Saturday, May 25, 2013

DIARY 114 ~ Once a Ritual has happened

Well, Windhorse's ritual to mark the Buddha's Enlightenment having happened. I retire as Ritual Master for another year once again. Simultaneously satisfied with the result, but also relieved that thinking about it can now be dropped. At some point, sooner rather than later, I need to take time out from picking up this responsibility. Simply in order to recharge, reinvigorate and maintain a positive relationship with it. Otherwise I'll find it increasingly difficult to find fresh ways of connecting with it. At the moment the process of refinement over the last four years has reached its peak. A certain format is tending to automatically take its place. This is what usually happens, a particular normalisation process takes place, after the creative ferment. I'm aware that this form, is by no means the only way it can be done. My engagement this year has noticeably grown a stale crust around the edges. The predictability of this programmed structure feels creatively restricting. I'm feeling the need to throw it all up in the air once more, but first I need to stand back in order to obtain a new perspective on it.

My original aim was to re-invigorate collective rituals at Windhorse. This has to some measure been achieved, but whether this will have a life of its own has yet to be proved. To create a longer standing ritual tradition, it has to be able to survive without me being present. It feels my current role could be to create the conditions for Ritual Masters of the future to arise. Yet what is the best way of doing that? How do you make yourself obsolete? Do I remain in place to encourage and nurture this handover of responsibility or is the best way just for me to get out of the way? People tend not to step up to lead when an incumbent is still in the post, still in the way, so to speak.

Next week I do my final stint in Customer Services and move on to a decorating project at Abbey House. This will most likely take up the next three and a half months. What comes after that is somewhat vague at the moment, perhaps there maybe nothing further for me to do at Windhorse! Or it maybe that this is a point where I need to make a decision; to go part-time, to give more time to my own artwork

In this respect, I've already booked the Cambridge Buddhist Centre in October to hold a small exhibition of my artwork. This year I've been reviewing my old work, and preparing new work. This will no doubt consume my available spare time through the Summer and early Autumn. In the short term, this is what I'm wanting to do ~ to put more energy into developing and exploring ways of selling my own artwork. This is something I've never done before. There are many practical things yet to be organised. Such as getting my artwork photographed and to establish a web presence. This feels both exciting and intimidating. This is going to stretch and push at the edges of my comfort zone substantially. This may be no bad thing. A degree of tension has been released just by deciding to do this. It's as if my whole life has been about finding a way of coming to terms with satisfying my own creative urges and needs. I've been noticeably calmer and happier as a consequence. This maybe because I'm on the way to doing the right thing.

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