Tuesday, July 08, 2014

DIARY 124 ~ Talky Talky Happy Talk

Even though my back is playing up badly at the moment, the muscles around my hips and shoulders are perpetually tender and painful, the pattern of my sleep seems permanently set on irregular and short, and the osteo-arthrutis in both my hands is slowly worsening, I am quite happy, at this juncture my life is good.
Why is this? Human beings, and I make no exception of myself from this, don't generally pause to wonder why they are happy, or what has brought this pleasant state about. We welcome it with open arms and, if we wonder about anything, its for how long it will last. Generally we are better at the causes of our suffering and pain, which we often catalogue and rail over in minute detail.

I would hazard a guess that the causes for this present good state are relatively simple. I've recently joined the Property Team at Windhorse:evolution, which I am currently rather enjoying. We are in the process of revamping seven or eight of our shops, in a much overdue rebranding. Initially I was drafted in to paint the new Evolution typeface signage onto planked panels. Much to my surprise I've done them to a really professional standard, and they look good up on the wall too. I'm also supervising the painting of uprights, shelves and assorted furniture & fittings for the shops. Its all gone very well, puts a feather in my cap, so my general self confidence levels are robust, if not high.

I'm only doing alternate shop fits, yet the intensity of these plus the unrelenting painting work prior to them, is I suspect the primary reason why my back is so troublesome at present. I feel constantly tired. I was aware last week that I'd been running for the last two or three months, pretty much at maximum capacity, given my continual sleep deprivation, its effect on my energy level, and of course my bodies numerical age. The three days of a revamp are full on, being physically, mentally and spiritually demanding affairs. By the end of the first day of the Norwich Shop's revamp. I was pretty pooped and tell tale early signs of strain in my back were wagging a finger at me. A week later I'm still nursing it and there's no sign of it easing off yet. Standing up or sitting down for too long are still an issue.

Since my Solitary Retreat At Home in April, my personal painting has continued to go from strength to strength. Pushing my artwork into fresh and often uncharted areas. Being able to practice 'Just Painting' quite regularly, taps into a deeper need for some form of creative expressive outlet in my life. So this is one very significant factor in my current happier disposition. There are, however, a few issues around that remain outstanding.

The website for my artwork is still unfinished after nearly a year. I haven't yet cracked getting consistently top quality photographs of my artwork. The main limitation is my camera, which is has a mini compact zoom, with a wide angle, that's unable to take photographs without bowing the edges of paintings. Any future plans I might have to sell printed reproductions, cards or any other use they might be put to, all hinge on photography good enough for reproduction. Until I'm over this hurdle, all these sort of ideas are a bit of a none starter. I have yet to find a gallery through which to try selling my work. which I was hoping to use my website as a promotional  tool for. I could go on, but I wont, for fear of soiling the mood.

So these few things are still hanging in the wings awaiting my attention or finding a workable solution. There's the lack of time, at present also energy, to resolve all the above outstanding issues. There is also the at times interminal struggles with my own apathy, which I do on occasions find frustrating. I am making it a practice to try remaining relatively cool without becoming insipid, about when these things might significantly move on. In my current lifestyle, I must acknowledge, there is not sufficient time to do more than keep painting. So I'm learning how to be more laid back ,if not patient about it, which in itself supports and encourages a happier visage for Vidyavajra.

Jnanasalin and I's civil partnership was two years ago this coming September. Though we each have our individual areas of strain and difficulty, in our relationship we are still happy, infused as it is with a sense of enjoyment and appreciation of each others qualities, and an easy compatibility. We are also committed to supporting each other in our respective creative and spiritual endeavours. This is a very significant positive factor, whose impact is easy to underestimate. I don't believe either of us would be attempting to do what we are currently doing in our work or creativity, if our relationship wasn't at present a consistent and stable one.

One should never take any of the above for granted, of course. Last night I was doing some preparation for Mitra Study on the Attandanda Sutta, from the Sutta Nipata. One of the lines that stood out for me was 'whatever things are tied down in the world, you shouldn't be set on them' . In other words, you can't be set, rely or depend on anything being permanent no matter how fixed or tied down they might appear to be in the present moment. Happiness, like any other phenomena, has a fluctuating transitory history. In moments of absentia it's likely to slip your grasp.

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