Saturday, May 02, 2009

DIARY 105 - Entertaining Friends

The watershed for handing on my responsibility has been reached, crossed and I didn't even get my feet wet. My team came round to Abbey House for breakfast out in the garden,the first outdoor breakfast of the year. It was a delightful sunny May Day, our walled garden was at its best. There was a brief house tour, followed by rejoicing in my merits and a handover ceremony during a seven fold Puja. I'd made a special shrine, shopped and prepared the breakfast table. The whole event went swimmingly, and if I was not noticible moved by it, I did feel something was set down or resolved through the devotional ritual. At one point I sensed that Richard Tebbit was somehow there in a ghostly capacity. As yet, I'm not quite at the point of being able to completely let go of Customer Services. There are some residual tensions entangled around my feet still. Anyway, I'm off on retreat next Friday, so, hopefully, this will enable me to draw it more to a close in my psyche than at present.

Tuesday night, we had guests round for dinner in the community. Our community numbers have often been very sparse of late since David and Carl left for Ghuyaloka. So it was good to have a full table again, the conversation was full of jokes, and lively,convivial banter. After the meal I came up to my room. I suddenly felt a aching sense of really being alone, and not really wanting to be. In the aftermath of being in such convivial company, I felt David's absence not just from the occasion of the meal, but also from around me, immensely. It's the first time since he left for the ordination course, that I've felt so strongly overwhelmed emotionally by how much I am actually missing him. Next Tuesday will mark the first month since he left, so he's already a quarter of the way through his course. Only twelve more weeks to go!

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