WATCHED - Buy Now - The Shopping Conspiracy

If any documentary could be a wake up call to us all, then this ought to be one. Explaining with stark simplicity how online marketing keeps us spending. Hiding the true environmental cost of our conspicuous consumption from us. Making us believe that these companys are leaders of environmental change, when they really are not. These false gods and charlatans infecting both our economy and politics.

We are increasingly witness to the 'greenwashing' going on. I certainly wasn't that aware quite how literally poisonous to our perceptions of what an online business it is. We have a knee jerk distrust of politics, the media and religions, but apparently not online business. These companies are the gift that keeps on benevolently giving, without ever falling into abberant sinfulness. I spend therefore I am.

As a business model they looked to the fast fashion industry to find an operational set up they could apply more widely. When once fashion used to have two design seasons a year, it now turns over pretty much monthly. Thousands upon thousands of clothes get worn but a few times and then thoughtfully recycled. But no one quite realised that recycling just meant dumping them on the coastline of a country like Ghana. Ditto the majority of things we very dutifully recycle. Recycling is being reduced to as a means of cleansing our guilt over buying so much useless stuff.

Apple employs this production model to all its electronic gadgetry. Every year your present ground breaking phone model being made obsolete by the latest one. Have you ever thought about what happens to the left over old models? Well, they are literally dumped in Thailand, where the toxicity of their internal contents can be blithely ignored.

The only true solution to our over consumption and addiction, to the planned obsolescence, would be to stop buying things we don't truly need. Perpetuating this endless desire to shop and have new things. Even if we believe we're are being conscientious consumers, we are still contributing to a whole mountain of unrecyclable rubbish that pollutes our own and other people's lands and seas.

But faced with the sly pernicious nature of these business models, I think the moment of peak consumer disillusionment feels like its still a long way off. Its still 'keep shopping for tomorrow we die.' There is something built into us that needs this 'consumerist' self view. It's like an addiction, a drug that is literally self consuming. What would people be if they were not a consumer? Would an existential void opening up, into which we might all psychologically collapse?  That and civilisation with it.

CARROT REVIEW  - 7/8

Available to stream on Netflix

FILM CLUB - Swan Song

Pat (Udo Keir) lives in an old folks home. He's bored, under stimulated, and spends a lot of his time being mildly rebellious, smoking cigars with mute residents on landings, and endlessly refolding paper handkerchiefs. He appears to be slowly losing the will to live. Then a solicitor visits, he represents an old socialite customer of Pat's, Rita ( Linda Evans)  who has died, and requested he dress the hair of her corpse.

At first he refuses. She'd dumped him, for a rival hairdresser, Dee Dee Dale ( Jennifer Coolidge ) who used to work for him. There's a lot of troubled history, meaning he just couldn't fulfill the request. But gradually he changes his mind and sets off walking, on a journey ostensibly to buy hairdressing supplies. But this entails revisiting a lot of painful places, familiar situations, and inevitably his relationship with David, his partner who died of AIDS.

There are many ways in which this film is a 'swan song'. For Pat revisiting his former life as a high society hairdresser for one last time, the period when he was a part time drag artist, then a man in a loving queer relationship. The film is unexpectedly grim, particularly about late life care. Pat, throughout the film, you see visually rediscover himself as the flamboyant gay man of old. His journey causing him to reflect on the form of his past gay lifestyle, now that this too is passing. Represented by the local gay bar about to close down. Places that once provided gay safe spaces, collective culture and support, now reach their own 'swan song'. Even how you can be gay having changed beyond recognition. 

Udo Kier magnificently holds the whole film together, for most of its running time. A face like granite, eyes flashing with mischief and a mind filled with waspish banter. You do really feel for him, in his fight, late in life, to regain some independence and meaning in his life

Todd Stephens who wrote and directed it, does so with an unflinching honesty. Never taking the time honoured clichéd route, without throwing you a curve ball. This is at times a sombre movie, with a kernel of stern warm heartedness, that never gets schmaltzy.

CARROT REVIEW  - 5/8

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FAVE RAVE - Garron

My favourite joy at the moment, that cheers up many an under slept morning are these short videos from Garron Noone. He plays almost your archetypal crazy Irishman with an eclectic to weird take on most thinks. Many of his postings are concerned with eating pizza, assessing the relative merits of pasta shapes, and which biscuit is the very best to dunk and why.  Enjoy him - he's delicious.

On Andrew Tate

On Jeans

On Custard Creams

On Fairground

SCREEN SHOT - She Will

Veronica Ghent ( Alice Krige) an aging and ailing film star is travelling north to the wilder edges of Scotland. She has booked herself on a solitary retreat there. Having recently had a double mastectomy she needs rest, care and medication. So a nurse,( Kota Eberhardt ) is accompanying her. Ghent is a frail, almost skeletal individual, both physically and mentally at a low ebb.

On arrival she is highly distressed to find the place is full of lots of exciteable, very noisy people. She'd craved solitude, so now wishes to leave. Yet there is much that is strange and mysteriously compelling about the estate where she has arrived. A white haired woman drives around the grounds on a buggy, with a fox following her everywhere. She blithely reassures the nurse that everything will be fine if she stays til morning. 

The area has a background history in the making of charcoal and the torturing and execution of witches. So in the middle of the night Veronica finds herself awakened, in touch with elements that are distinctly pagan, possessing an ancient feminine energy. The muddy ground begins to bubble, respond and move towards her. In Veronica's past life as a child star, an old sore re-emerges that requires, not just resolution, but revenge. From the ground beneath her feet emerges something that wishes to heal her soul.

This synopsis is the basic plot outline for what is a quite remarkable full feature debut by director Charlotte Colbert. Hugely atmospheric, extraordinarly complex visuals, beautiful cinematography and creative use of editing. A fantastic score by Clint Mansell does most of the heavy lifting in the conjuring of feelings of foreboding and the magic in the landscape. It's also blessed by the eccentric talents of Rupert Everett and Malcolm McDowell delightfully chewing the scenery. Which all adds to its heightened style with depth and delights.

I absolutely love this film. It's off kilter visual quality is there from the beginning, as the train is filmed travelling northwards, dramatically cambering as it enters into a tunnel. Things develop slowly and gently build as the film progresses. This is not a grotesque jump scare horror movie. It's a haunting, mystically inclined, psychological tale that is carefully paced and composed. Through the rich evocative and artful use of sound and visuals Colbert has created another world within this one, that totally captivates you from start to finish. It's a film that will no doubt bare repeat viewing.

CARROT REVIEW  - 7/8

VIDEOS OF - River Stiffkey In Flood

 

Now, the River Stiffkey is for most of its length is narrow and slow flowing, it gently ambles its way to the sea. But these videos I took at Walsingham Abbey show it can be a bit of a demon when roused.

FILM CLUB - I Know Where I'm Going

The Powell & Pressburger Season - 1945

Joan Webster ( Wendy Hiller ) is an independent minded woman, who much to her Father's surprise announces she is about to be married to a wealthy, but much older businessman. On the surface she seems a carefree but materialistically motivated person, who is consciously taking charge of the direction of her life, by marrying into money to secure rhat future. She receives an itinerary from her future husband, detailing all her rail changes, who will meet her and where she will travel to next. Joan says she knows where she is going in life. But this micro managing of her journey towards marriage tells you some of the price Joan will pay for the financial security she craves. It will be at the loss of her liberty. Nevertheless, Joan throws herself into this adventurous journey north into the Scottish Isles. Until she reaches the Isle of Mull where severe storms mean she is prevented from reaching the Isle of Kiloran where she is to be married. 

Forced to stop and be still for several days Joan begins to befriend the people she encounters on Mull. The charismatic Torquil MacNeil ( Roger Livesey ) a naval officer heading for shore leave on Kiloran.  Catriona ( Pamela Brown ) a fiery and free spirited woman who believes 'Money isn't everything'. She has a similar self willed life motivation to Joan, but is unwilling to compromise her independence and integrity. Everything about community life on Mull has a more self sufficient and simple wholesome character to it, this is not how Joan has ever lived previously. 

Joan starts to find herself falling for Torquil, whilst clinging determinedly to carrying out her intention to reach Kiloran and be married. This results in her taking a boat out in dangerous weather despite everyone warning she shouldn't. Torquil deciding to accompany her, manages to save the boat from sinking, turning the boat around and returning everyone safely to Mull.  Surviving the turbulent storm of her own emotional reactivity, as well as this near disasterous boat trip, becomes a literal turning point in their relationship. Resisting overturning the barriers to their love starts to crumble. She knows where she is going now, but this time in her heart, not just her head.

I Know Where I'm Going, is an unabashed romantic movie, packed with all the quirky eccentricities one comes to expect from a Powell & Pressburger production. It is comedic and utterly charming, whilst also being a sly satire on the naked pursuit of money. They consciously wanted to make a film that was a 'Crusade against materialism.' There is a believable magnetism and chemistry on screen between Hiller and Livesey. It was filmed in black and white whilst The Archers waited for colour stock to become available so they could make A Matter of life & Death. 

It is, nonetheless, a hugely satisfying movie, beautifully and inventively shot, with a deft handling of local accents, culture and character. All the more miraculous for being shot in both the Isle of Mull and a studio, because Livesey was in a play in the West End so couldn't travel to film in Scotland. It was the last film where they used the cinematographer Erwin Hillier, who shot it all, astonishingly, without the aid of a light meter. The storm at sea and the whirlpool at Corryvrekan were carefully composed and edited from film they shot in the Scottish Isles. Whenever time, money or circumstances became straightened Powell & Pressburger were always able to rise to a situation, and make circumstances work for them to their best advantage.

CARROT REVIEW - 6/8

SCREEN SHOT - Nomadland

Sometimes circumstances throw you onto living on the road. With the death of her husband, and death of the company owned town she lived in, Fern has only her van and only the most inessential of belongings left in a lock up. Every inch of space inside her van is altered to provide extra storage or a surface to work on. Setting out on her travels she bumps into more experienced fellow travellers and learns how to get the most out of this lifestyle. She meets a former neighbour, her sister, and Dave a fellow nomad traveler. All encourage her to settle down with them. But Fern has come to prefer this lifestyle, its the freedom it brings. It suits her just fine being a nomad tied to no one or nowhere.

This is such a beautiful yet poignant film, that at times in its slow gentle and elegiac journey provides moments that are deeply touching. Life has often dealt all these people a bad hand, leaving them little option other than to be itinerant. Yet they have made this lifestyle all there own, taken full possession of it and make it work for them. Many of the actors are untrained and are from this nomadic American tradition. Into this the inestimably grounded acting style of Frances McDormand deftly slips herself. Its so unshowy yet packs quite an emotional punch. 

Chloe Zhao helms this film with assuredness and emotional dexterity. Conveying its tough rawness, but also the beauty of the landscapes they traverse and live in. You can feel what the appeal of it might be. Though its not an easy lifestyle, nor one where you can afford to be too picky about what work you do. Its a rare style of film to win so many Oscars, but this is a real gem.

CARROT REVIEW 8/8

SCREEN SHOT - The Eternals

The Eternals have been asleep, living ordinary lives among the mortals. Hidden in plain sight. Then Deviant monsters break into the mortal universe and begin destroying and ravaging it. The Eternals have to gather themselves together to push back on the advances of these dangerous animals.

Well, this film certainly lasted an eternity, with a running time of nearly 2 hours 40 minutes. If this had been a fast paced adventure film, lots of set piece action sequences, niftily moving the story on, that may have been OK. However, this movie unnecessarily luxuriates in itself, and has the speed of a snail. Its as if it was made by an art house director who wanted to make this reflective statement about the immense burdens of being an immortal super hero. 

Which is where Oscar winner for Nomadland, Chloe Zhaoe comes in. Not, you would imagine, your first, nor ideal choice for a director of a potential Marvel franchise. Maybe they were thinking she'd be another Ang Lee. Pace is an issue, but script development is weak too. The narrative of these Eternals fighting the advance of 'The Deviants' needed much more work tightening it up. There are some witty self deprecating humour in the super hero character of the Indian Bollywood star Kingo. If that had been developed across all characters, perhaps this film would have been less turgidly pofaced and worthy.

On the plus side there are some beautiful bits of CGI. It has a great cast, but all are sorely under used. If Marvel has these characters in mind for some magnificent story arc, then they urgently need to rethink and relaunch this. Or better still, just forget about it altogether.

CARROT REVIEW - 2/8

THE BEST BEFORE DATE - 1991 - Crucified by Army of Lovers

 

Sometimes I just love a good bit of outrageously enjoyable trashy pop, combined with the campest video possible. A half dressed hairy chested man with a simpering delivery held in bondage. And an ample bosomed woman thrusting her cleavage, huge red lips and practically everything else, directly to camera.. The song is a richly embellished delight, full of little musical hook lines, all over the top and rococo. I never tire of the tune or the video. This is just great tongue in cheek fun.

This song was their pop highlight reaching No 14 in the UK chart. Though they had other self penned hits and cover versions, nothing quite reaches the glorious heights of Crucified. This Swedish band, formed in 1987 has since gone through numerous line up changes. The founding members Alexander Bard , Jean-Pierre Barda and Camilla Henemark ( AKA La Camilla ) were together until 1991 when La Camilla left. All the subsequent versions of the band retained Bard & Barda. They have been through two female replacements for La Camilla. She briefly returned for one of their reformations, until being unceremoniously thrown out of the band and replaced by one of her successors. The band is currently on its third reunion, even though Bard had said in 2015 he had officially retired. What he retired too was espousal of men's movement politics and gnosticism. Perhaps it would be better if he stuck to trash pop, where he knows what he's doing.

WATCHED - Jibaro

Jibaro is one episode from the recent Netflix series of the excellent Love, Death & Robots.  Love, Death & Robots are short 15-20 minute animated features. All explore themes of either Love, Death or Robots, sometimes all three, generally with some sort of futuristic, horror or fantasy twist. I've watched all three series and Jibaro is by far and away the most outstanding piece of short animated film making I've seen in recent years. Beautiful and mesmeric to watch, whilst also being utterly terrifying.

A group of conquistadors on horse back stop by a lake. One of them is deaf. You begin by hearing the world only from his perspective. He dismounts and kneels by the water to drink. The moment he does this out of the water emerges an exotic golden jewel bedecked dancing woman who begins to emit a high pitched scream. All the knights with hearing are made mad, drawn towards her and their doom. The deaf knight is untouched. He escapes pursued by the woman from the lake, who cannot understand why this man remains immune to the devastating power of her siren call.

No dialogue. All told through music, sound and visuals. It is stunning,almost bewitching. 

Highly Recommend.

CARROT REVIEW - 8/8

SCREEN SHOT - Everything, Everywhere, All At Once.

Evelyn Wang (Michelle Yeoh) runs a large launderette with her dependable, but much put upon husband Waymond ( Ke Huy Quan). The business isn't going at all well. Just when the financial authorities in the form of Deidre (Jamie Lee Curtis) are about to close them down, an inter dimensional rift opens up. Her husband momentarily becomes Alpha Weymond,from another alternative world. Evelyn is being sought out to save this whole multiverse system from collapse and take over by an evil version of her daughter Joy, called Jobu Tupaki ( Stephanie Hsu).

The film that follows is a scatter gun attempt at an absurdist sci-fi comedy  You cannot, however, fault this film for its visual ambition and execution. I'm sure everyone involved had a hugely enjoyable time, playing around with the idea of multiple universes intersecting and crossing over from one to the other. Parodying film, pop and cultural references along the way. 

My Husband absolutely adores it and thinks its one of the best films he's seen this year. And I'm less enamoured shall we say. Temperamentally inured to the big complex concept, geeky flash bang wallop special effect heavy film. I found the whole thing hugely overblown and remarkably shallow. Any attempt at injecting a bit of human warmth and empathy into the proceedings, ending up trite and mawkishly awkward. But I imagine this polarity in our differing responses to this film might indicate its primary 'Marmite' nature.

The title tells you all you need to know about the film. It has Everything, from Everywhere all happening All At Once. Once the story gets going it creates this unrelentingly manic world. Just when you think it just couldn't get any madder, it hurtles ever more frenetically forward, carried away on the wave of its premise. Inexorably rolling on towards being far far too long. There are some knowing film references, which if you are able to spot them you might find mildly diverting. Witty quips and sarcasm generally get steamrollered under the ever advancing visual juggernaut. I couldn't wait for it to end, about half an hour before it actually did. 

Does it really have anything truly valuable that just needed saying? I'd take a wild guess at No. Its simply an exercise in visual masturbation working itself up to a self congratulatory climax. Its undoubtedly clever, but for me it totally lacked any allure or affectionate charm. So, not one for me, I'm afraid.

CARROT REVIEW - 2/8

SCREEN SHOT - First Reformed

The Rev Ernst Troller ( Ethan Hawke) is the pastor at First Reformed Church. An early Protestant church celebrating its 250th anniversary. He refers to it sarcastically as the souvenir shop, because it attracts more tourists than actual congregation. Toller is divorced, and his young son is dead. He is a broken man, his faith hangs by a very thin thread of habit, sustaining himself mainly through drink.  

One if his congregation Mary (Amanda Seyfried) asks him to see her husband Martin (Philip Ettinger), a man deeply troubled by imminent environmental catastrophe, who has alarmingly even made himself a suicide vest. His wife is pregnant, but he wants the baby aborted.  In a long discussion with Martin his pessimistic views about the future clearly resonate with Toller. On another day he receives a text from Martin changing their usual meeting place. Only to find Martin has blown his head off with a gun. Blaming himself, this experience causes everything to emotionally unravel. Then his own well being comes under threat when one morning he finds he is pissing blood.

This film by Paul Schrader from 2017, was Oscar nominated for its lead and film. Its filmed in an older style compacted frame size. This and its thematic similarities to Winter Light  have echoes of Ingmar Bergman. Whilst being its own claustrophobic beast. Its colouring is muted, almost washed out, not quite to black and white . It is frequently beautifully and exquisitely framed. The church of First Reformed though immaculately well preserved, is also antiseptically pristine and austere .To the point if being devoid of any spiritual feeling. Toller's life within it mimics this emptiness and clinical sparseness. Whilst internally he is a ferment of messy questioning and anger that only comes out when he writes in his diary. 

Ethan Hawke's performance as Toller is a finely judged one, front and centre of this drama. The subtly of expression in his face, of a straining, just about managing, tormented individual, is a constant reminder to you that this man could flip at any moment. This is a probably Schrader's finest self scripted and directed film, containing many themes from his earlier writing work with Scorcese -Taxi Driver and Raging Bull, plus his own films Cat People and Dying of the Light. Its a brutal and thought provoking film that manages to play with and wrong foot your expectations right to the very end.

CARROT REVIEW - 6/8

SCREEN SHOT - The Eyes of Tammy Faye

On the surface this a quite careful and conventionally constructed biographical picture. Showing the rise and fall of Jimmy and Tammy Faye Baker, during the golden days of American televangelism. Starting out as travelling preachers and ending with with Praise The Lord, a multi million pound business and world wide Christian TV station. The fraud, the betrayals and infidelities.

The film is based on a documentary of the same name. Tammy Faye comes across, in the movie at least, as a good hearted, yet naive person, who tries only to see the best in people. She is a bonafide eccentric, a singer and intuitive TV genius of sorts. Endeavouring to always come from a place of kindness and compassion. She was the first person on a Christian TV station to interview a gay man with HIV. Instinctively anti-bigotry and believed in seeing the human being, meeting the person before you without judgement. This appeared to be almost her default position. That, plus the OTT personality, the make up and dress sense, has resulted in her becoming a bit of a gay icon.

This is Jessica Chastain's film, and quite rightly won an Oscar for her performance as Tammy Faye. Like Meryl Street playing Julia Childs, Chastain transforms herself into the magnificent being that was Tamny Faye, but has to tone her down for the film. Otherwise no one would believe she was a real person. Its to Chastain's credit that her performance bursts forth with her character, but avoids making her into a cartoon figure. Emerging as a warm, humane person. When Tammy Faye discovers she has unwittingly been party to illegality, or when she is unfaithful to her husband, the pain of how sordid that is to her, of falling short of her ideals for herself, is really felt. 

You could criticise this film for not digging deeper into exposing the dodgy ethics, inhuman cruelty and money grubbing hypocrisy of tele-evangelism. But the central performance, once it fully takes hold really leaves little room for anything else.

CARROT REVIEW - 6/8

SCREEN SHOT - You Are Not My Mother

Char is a teenage girl, who ought to be out having fun with her friends. But she has none. Instead she is regularly picked on and bullied. Her family, particularly her Grandma, well, they've always been a bit weird. There is a dark secret in the families past no one is talking about. Her Mum is bedridden, rarely well enough to go out, and appears to be on the verge of having a mental breakdown. Then she goes missing.  Her Uncle is found in suspicious circumstances overdosed on medication her Mum should have been taking. Her Mum returns, but it no longer feels like this is really her and Char doesn't feel safe in the house. Her new found friend Georgie tells her she should leave. Her Grandma gives her a protective amulet she's made. The next morning her Grandma is found murdered in her armchair.

This is a brilliantly executed piece of psychological horror, placed in a context of gritty realism. Giving you a vivid sense of the genuine difficulties of living in a house where someone, who you love, is mentally losing it. Even though it has this subtext of folk horror underlying at all times, it inhabits a recognisable run down, impoverished urban landscape. This is a first film for Kate Dolan who wrote and directed it, and it shows a huge sensitivity for her characters predicament and making the horror subtext as real as those very ordinary grubby circumstances.

CARROT REVIEW - 5/8

SCREEN SHOT - Last Night In Soho

Eloise ( Thomasin McKensie) is an aspiring fashion designer obsessed with the sixties and reliving the adventure of her mother's youth. She travels from her rural home to the vibrant city of London. Unused to an urban lifestyle, its cruelty and cynicism, she feels lost and a fish out of water. Leaving her shared dormitory room, she finds herself a private rented attic room in a house in Soho, owned by the elderly and crotchety Miss Collins (Diana Rigg)

Yet when she falls asleep in her new room, Eloise finds herself literally slipping back in time, transported to the world of sixties swinging London. Inhabiting the body and life experience of a would be singer Sandie. ( Anya Taylor-Joy ) Initially these night time adventures feed into her fashion creativity, emerging as reinterpreted versions of Sandie's fabulous cloths. But each night the experience begins turning more and more disturbing as Sandie's life goes seriously, dangerously off the rails. Eloise, begins to fear for Sandie's life, and that Eloise herself will lose her sanity, like her mother did. Meanwhile the attic room becomes increasingly crowded with vengeful male ghosts from the past emerging from its walls.

Edgar Wright's psychological horror story, fizzes with all the creative tension it can muster, between having fun and leaning it in to fearfulness. Evocative music, period details, and inventive set pieces, capture the confident ebullience, the snappy style, the seedy behaviour and mores of this classic, but very different era. Featuring cameos by acting stars from that era such as Diana Rigg's last film appearance, Rita Tushingham and Terence Stamp. It has all of Wright's usual sharply timed edits to music beats, his feel for the zeitgeist of this era's pop culture, with talismanic nods and knowing references. As we effortlessly slip from our own era back to this iconic period in British culture. An absorbing, cleverly executed homage, whilst also being a horror story, and a pointedly moral tale with a human heart. One that finishes with a truly surprising twist to the tale. Loved it.

CARROT REVIEW - 7/8

SCREEN SHOT - Venom, - Let There Be Carnage

The first Venom film was no great genre shift in the superhero pantheon. Altogether underwhelming. No chemistry on screen. So what we have here with Let There Be Carnage, directed by Andy Serkis, is an attempt to reboot it by sharpening up the script. Developing the relationship between Eddie Brock ( Tom Hardy ) and the vicious alien Venom that inhabits him, into a variety double act of quick fire repartee. Along the lines of a bitchy bro-mance comedy. There is wit on show, but it requires better timing and pointing. But this film is too overeager to keep up it's hyper speed, to leave space for a punchline to land fully. Move on, there are heads to be eaten.

Its essentially a similar story line to the first movie only with bigger flashier set piece confrontations with snappier dialogue. As I said it moves along at a pace, it never really sags, which is good because this is the sort of film that shouldn't overstay its welcome. I have seen so many CGI animated fight scenes I am now as stone towards them. No tension or peril, they happen, they do not amaze, they overstimulate your visual senses. Put your mind to sleep, and still your heartbeat. Consequently never grabbing you emotionally, so devoid of feeling and meaning are they. 

Hubby and I kept saying 'this is very silly' as if it would at some point cease being so, and reveal an as yet hidden but profound truth that was underlying its frothy insubstantiality. Much as I love seeing Hardy, an actor capable of great sensitivity and intelligent gravitas, playing a dumb ass waster built like a brickie, it really doesn't work.  Eddie Brock would make more sense if he were some pigeon chested dweeb, not a very very handsome hunk who you'd forgive anything to wed. Is his ex- girlfriend blind or something?

Woody Harrelson, an actor not afraid to chew up the scenery in the exact same way he has done in every single film he's ever in, does his thing here. You know, a menacing creepier version of Shaggy from Scoobie Doo. You can't help but feel everyone is wasting their time, us included,  by entertaining this dreck. But there is obviously money to be had in an empty headed film franchise, that has not even the irregular murmour of a beating heart. No matter how much they camp it up. Its just very very very stupid. It happens. Then its over. Cue Credits.

CARROT REVIEW - 3/8

SCREEN SHOT - Dune

The Empire runs on Spice, it powers its industry, fuels its space exploration and funds its colonisation. That the Emperor has given the contract to run the planet Arrakis, the only place that spice can be found, to the House of Atreides, is then a very big deal. This entails the House of Harkonnan losing their lucrative contract, which does not go down well. Soon the House of Atreides is betrayed by one of its own, Duke Leto Atreides (Oscar Issacs) is murdered, and the House of Harkonnan takes back by force control of the spice planet. Everyone left wondering if this was part of a convoluted plan by the Emperor.

Paul Atreides (Timothy Chalamet) is the deceased Duke's son. His Mother, Lady Jessica (Rebecca Ferguson) is member of the Bene Gesserit, the mystical order of female soothsayers, who can make people bow to their will using their voice alone. Told to only have female children, Lady Rebecca has nonetheless had Paul. He already is having visions and premonitions concerning Arrakis and the secretive Femen who live there. His Mother is not alone in suspecting that her son may be the figure, long expected by the Bene Gesserit, of the Kwisatz Haderach.

This film version of Frank Herbert's Dune is the one fans of the books have long been waiting for. Denis Villaneuve, the Director, gets the level of detail required, just right, tending to 'show not tell' you about the complex relationships inherent to the story. Even on a home plasma screen the immense scale of its vision and execution is utterly fabulous. Stunning visual follows stunning visual. The soundtrack by Hans Zimmer is pitched so perfectly, with a similar grand imposing stature to the panoramic beauty of the pictures you are seeing. Performing as though an important character in the storyline. This makes everything enveloped in it additionally impactful and potent. 

This is a superb film, and a high point in Sci-Fi  movie making, this raises the bar near to art. Already decided the next installment has to be seen on the biggest screen Norfolk can offer. 

CARROT REVIEW - 8/8

FEATURE - Air Afrikkaans

Originally broadcast in 2008, this compilation of  Air Afrikaans sketches are amusing, so darkly embedded in their satire as to feel inherently wrong when you view them. They were part of a short lived five episode Beehive sketch series for E4, devised by and featuring female comedians - Alice Lowe, Sarah Kendall, Barunka O 'Shaunessy, Clare Thomson. 

The Air Afrikaans sketch stars the superb Alice Lowe and Clare Thomson? as the two passive aggressive air hostesses Jadine & Marla. Whose means of control is -how can you speak or behave like that (pointing )- in front of this disabled child. 

If you don't eat beef and don't eat cow, how are you even alive?

SCREEN SHOT - The Sparks Brothers

This is one fan's devoted love letter to Sparks. Packed full of interviews with other fans, famous and otherwise, and with the one true constant in Sparks, the brothers Mael. This documentary by Edgar Wright takes you on a rough and ready trajectory through the 25 album ( and counting) output of this truly remarkable band. Having success, not having success, then more success, the fallow periods, followed by another creative renaissance. They keep moving on, whilst staying recognisably Sparks.

As a lifetime fan myself, there were moments in this movie when I felt immense pride in them, sad for them, frustrated for them, and deeply moved by them. Going chronologically through each of their recordings, you see there are great albums, there are so so albums and genre defying albums. It is a single minded career trajectory they have persued, and its not always been an easy one. Particularly when you've been so influential on many forms of pop music, but receive little credit from those who owe you the most. Time you owned up Pet Shop Boys!

Edgar Wright manages to find a visual style to complement their music, it captures some of the essence of them, their fizzy, wacky, eccentricities, artiness, pop references, wit and parody in their output. This comes from both brothers, but a special mention for the pen of Ron Mael is required, who is such a versatile songwriter. He can, after all, write a moving song based on the repetition of one line over and over again. Now both in their seventies, producing music appears to be what's keeping them creatively lively and spiritedly rejuvenated. Long may this last.

If you are not yet a fan, watch this movie and prepare to be amazed and impressed. If you are already a fan, you are in for a two hour treat. At the end of the movie the brothers cheekily state there are now no mysteries left regarding Sparks. They then proceed telling you a list of preposterous fake statements about themselves. Sparks remain as mysterious and baffling as ever, despite apparently 'sharing' so much. Never a band to take completely at face value. Sparks are a band for whom the words 'tongue in cheek' was surely invented.

CARROT REVIEW - 8/8

SCREEN SHOT - The Human Voice

Look, its half an hour long. Half an hour of the divine Tilda doing her stuff. Plus, its directed by Pedro Almodovar. Plus, its Tilda doing her stuff for half an hour. What are you waiting for? Just watch it, right now! 

Originally a stage play by Jean Cocteau. Almodovar has transformed it into something flamboyantly all his own. He built the set inside a warehouse, to emphasise the contrived aesthetic of it still more. Every aspect of the flat is designed to the absolute hilt, both stylish and stylised, every decor choice strikingly distinctive. Each shot in the movie composed in strong colour blocks of primary and secondary colours, placed against the softer green wall colouring.

Living within the artifice of this oh so beautiful environment is an equally immaculately dressed woman. She's waiting, waiting for the man with whom she created and once shared this ultra luxurious flat. Her former lover, he still hasn't come to collect his bags and belongings. They are waiting in the lobby. She is waiting for this return, or at least a call.

The woman will break out of this staged set. Pacing back and forth, as if stalking the warehouse, dressed in a bright scarlet ball gown. The woman's life appears completely dictated by the constraints of high fashion, a high maintenance lifestyle and appearance. And yet now her life and this lifestyle is upturned, she cannot move on nor escape from it. She's still holding out for the man to return. Until she can speak to him, her life is kept on hold. The man appears to be deliberately keeping out of contact. His silence is an expression of his power over her. Then the man does phone. 

Tilda Swinton, conveys all the brittle nervy desperation of this woman. The transparency of her lies and deceptions, to herself and others. How emotionally dependent she remains on this man, it hurts. Yet, as the call progresses, there is a gradual realisation that she can recover agency over her life and future.  There is, after all, something she can do to break the spell to release herself from this gorgeous prison.

Its just brilliant, watch it.

CARROT REVIEW 7/8

Currently available on I Player.