CARROT CAKE REVIEW 20 - A Slab Of Oddly Proportioned Baroque

Castle Howard, Yorkshire.

Its a glorious Winter's sunny day, we are at Castle Howard. The air is crisp, its bright, the colours and shadows are sharp. After a ramble around the landscaped estate grounds with its follies and bridges going absolutely nowhere in particular, we queued for much a needed lunch. The logistics and layout of The Courtyard Cafe leaves much to be desired, it is not a joy for anyone. It is as if whoever designed it wilfully ignored the most outstanding flaws in their own floor plan.

No matter how busy the cafe is you will have to queue to be seated. Those who are incoming queue inside the entrance way where the outgoing are also trying to do their best to exit. Because the cafe's toilets are outside in the courtyard, people are understandably forever quickly nipping out for a pee or a poo, then back in again. All this accompanied by politely embarrassed side shuffling and 'sorry, can I just get by'. Folk, all very like us, who after a grand morning pretending to promenade, end up behaving like standing figures in an automaton mechanical clock, moving stiffly in - then out - then in, the same door. In the Summer, when the waiting staff also have to come in and out to serve tables outside, the situation must be totally exasperating. The staff cope kindly and stoically with a situation not of their making.

Our lunch was a fine but simple fair, but also unremarkable, so I can't put my finger now on quite what it was. Something vaguely in the region of Jacket Potato Beans & Cheese, perhaps. It seemed to be all over rather quickly, as my gaze quickly wandered covetously over to the lovelies on the baroque cake stands. I spotted what looked suspiciously like a carrot cake, so I sent Hubby out on an advance recky for confirmation. Yes it was. As you can see from the photo I uncharacteristically started eating the cake before I'd taken the traditional pristine 'cake on arrival' photo. Which I guess must say something, if only that I was overcome by the volition of a gluttonous impulse.

The outstanding flaws of this cake were mostly in its visual appearance. Whoever divided this cake horizontally made a complete mess of it. I mean just look at it, have you ever seen a cake with such an uneven horizontal division? The bottom looks like its a recently installed damp course.

However,if one was to put that to one side, the texture was good. Its colour did perhaps veer a little too near to pale ginger, rather than a rusty sienna. Just saying! You got a strong whiff of spice infused carrot when it was placed before you. So, Oh, my hopes were then somewhat perked, if not arisen. This was looking really very promising, with a handsome suggestion of fruit and nuts scattered across its rough cut flanks.

A moderately sized piece of cake, the texture held together well once it slid onto your palate. You had time to savour this before it broke down through mastication into stomach ready cake slurry. The balance of its ingredients was well measured. The proportions of its ingredients were nobly considered, but not over-imposing. Though it wasn't stunningly carroty in its flavour, it was certainly not an absent whim. This cake had some characteristic weighty heft to it, whilst remaining quietly airy. The frosting was aiming to affect a rugged and rustic look, unfortunately it had the demeanour of a bit of badly mixed plaster, but it did taste fine, not too sweet nor artificial.

It was, all things considered, a very pleasant cake to eat. Straddling a broad flavour spectrum with ease whilst settling nowhere strongly. Not as spectacularly palladian-baroque as Castle Howard itself, but I'll say again, a nicely balanced cake.



CARROT CAKE SCORE - 6/8

CARROT CAKE REVIEW 18 - Breaking The Golden Rules of Carrot Cake

York, Yorkshire.

You know how it is, your on holiday in Yorkshire, its mid January, you're prowling the streets looking for extra special cafes and cakes, but you aren't sure quite where to find them. So on an overcast afternoon on a day trip to York, we are on a mission to discover that unique cafe in possession of an excellent cake range, appetising in quality and confection. Not having much luck, we are beginning to become tired and dispirited. Then we stumbled across this cafe, gaze into the window at cakes with a certain rustic roughness, a finish frequently affected by cafes in cosmopolitan cities. What's more they do have a substantial looking carrot cake. Yes, this seemed very appealing, its an Italian family run cafe, what could possibly be wrong? Italy is the birth place of cafe culture, after all.

The decor looks fine, quite modern with dark blue lampshades, gold lined inside, panted wood tables rubbed back, a thoroughly classic style of cafe environment. Yet the first thing that hits you as you entered was the noise. Initially we sat at a table by the door, but positioned by a micro speaker that blared right in my ear I couldn't hear what Hubby was asking me barely a few feet away. We moved a couple of tables further down. However, it wasn't just the music, all the staff working there talked loudly and animatedly. They were almost the cliche Italian stereotype. I wanted to say ' if you turned the music down a notch or two you might not have to bellow at each other'  The liveliness of the atmosphere might have even been fun to be around otherwise.  I tried, I really did, to not to be too English about this, but it did feel discomforting, like being trapped in a very small room with raucous children you want to slap and tell to behave.

From the street the carrot cake had appeared hewn out of something solid, loaded with weighty ingredients. However, I should have paid more attention to my Golden Rule of Carrot Cake No 2 - the larger its size the larger the disappointment will be. Had I not allowed myself to be seduced by its size I might have noticed a tiny but highly significant detail, small marzipan carrots placed around its circumference like hours on a clock face. Golden Rule of Carrot Cake No 3 - marzipan carrots are spawned from the devils a-hole. Fake signifiers to inform you what a cake is is infantile, one mouthful should be enough. In some cases, more than enough. Marzipan carrots should ward off even Dracula from taking a bite.

First impressions were that it looked rather too pale to be a true carrot cake. As you can see from the photograph, it also came rather dishabille, in a partly dismantled state. Cakes falling apart before you even hover a cake fork over them are, in my experience, usually gluten free. Its more and more common for carrot cakes to be made gluten free, but without being advertised as such. Golden Rule of Carrot Cake No 4 - a cake that doesn't tell me exactly what it is, definitely has something to hide. So, it was crumbly, so whatever its ingredients were they couldn't hold it together. One withering look and the stratification of its entire cliff face collapsed.

So what was it hiding? Well, that this was basically a Spice Cake, breaking numero uno bet noir, the Golden Rule of Carrot Cake No1 - a spice cake is not a carrot cake! (Angry capitals removed at the behest of the deaf ). There was no powdery aftertaste so what gluten free flour was being used was unclear. It did, however, have sizable boulders of walnut suspended precariously within it. In fact, together with the pecans and marzipan carrots on top, the flavour was decidedly of a nutty spice cake. The frosting and filling were both butter cream, made with butter not margarine, which explains its solidity and why it fell away from the crumbling cake like slabs of concrete. Plus, it was over sweetened. Golden Rule of Carrot Cake No 7 - drowning it in sugar does not disguise or transform a carrot cake. If its bland, its bland. 


CARROT CAKE SCORE - 3/8