FEATURE 71 - Adele

Oh, I can't find enough superlatives, to match the feeling she's conjuring up in me, so I wont try. Here's three of the best live recordings, always a good test of real talent.

DIARY 136 - Saying 'No' More Often

I've started swimming regularly since January swept in. Only once a week as yet, but I'm planning to up it to twice a week by the end of this month. This has generally been helping my back and Osteo-arthritis. It can make my joints ache more the day after, but the rest of the week is generally characterised by less joint pain and stiffness. So far so good.

This week I've had an underlying feeling of irritation, quite what about

remained spectacularly unspecific. I can take a guess at what I think is the right ball park. I believe it comes down to time on the Show of Hands project getting squeezed by other commitments I've made. Its another of my intentions for this year to give more consideration to what I agree to being involved in, to say 'No' more often. Until this current project is finished I can't really begin in earnest with newer projects such as :improvements to the Stupa Area; gathering a group together to organise and pool ideas for this years Windhorse Wesak.

My parents gave me a cheque for Christmas, quite a substantial one, which surprised me. It's some sort ofhanding on money so the tax man can't get his mittens on it. Anyway, this has prompted me to set up a savings Cash ISA and make a Standing Order to set aside a regular amount per month. Being able to save money is something that's very new for me. Most of my life I've just got by on whatever I have, and making it last till the end of the month. Saving obviously will require me to reduce my weekly spending a bit, which is probably no bad thing. I'll have to learn to say 'No' more often.

However, Jnanasalin and I are planning a long weekend away in Oxford at the end of the month, which I'm saving for, and looking forward to. I went there last year with Saddharaja, but we barely scratched the surface of what there is to see. I think there will be as much focus on good food as good places to visit. Usually we are quite lucky with weather on our early breaks, so fingers crossed it stays true to form.

I'm listening to Patti Smith's seminal album Horses, Birdland is playing in the background as I write. I'm reacquainting myself with how radical, earthy and really really out there she actually is. I've also bought her book Just Kids about her love for and creative relationship with Robert Mapplethorpe. I'm barely a third of the way through, but it is colourfully evocative re-telling and extremely well written, as you'd expect from a poet.

One down side of my Osteo-arthritis is I'm experiencing periods of waking up at 3 or 4 in the morning. My major joints becoming so tender they say 'No' to slumber. I end up tossing and turning fitfully for my remaining hours in bed. When Jnansalin is away, as he is at the moment, I tend to put the light on , or get up. Today I was up drinking coffee and having breakfast at 3.30am, watched a couple of Time Team episodes consecutively and found some great videos of my new fave rave singer Adele, of whom there will no doubt be more later. Sometimes one can find simple compensations for everything.

WORK IN PROGRESS - Show of Hands - Stages 7+8+9

Though I haven't written about it since I resumed painting at the end of December,I have been plugging away at the Show of Hands hanging, ever since. Week on week it gets closer to completion. I estimate I'm about a fortnight away from finishing.

I have one more hand to collect, and I know whose that will be. Since the New Year I've struggled to maintain my enthusiasm for the project. The methodical pace and meticulously followed sequencing my painting always entails, does eventually drive me potty. I just want to get it finished! I want to be free of thinking about it, to be able to follow up new ideas. As it is I'm spending every moment of project time devoted to it.

The painting sequence is by this stage so hard wired, it has to be followed rigorously. After I finished painting the background stripes - I was painting all the hands white - then painting them alternating gold and iridescent gold - then outlining the gold hand squares in dark blue -then varnishing the background with matt varnish - then varnishing the hands in gloss varnish, then outlining the iridescent gold hand squares in gold framing paint - all the while touching up the bits where paint still flakes off - drat it!

There's still quite a bit to do, but what remains is not as labour intensive,and hence less time consuming. The final hand needs collecting, painting white, then iridescent white, then background matt varnished, the hand gloss varnished and gold outlined - The green border needs re-painting - Thin battening needs buying, priming, painting white and fastening to the canvas. - The squares need to be re-numbered, and decide whether the names should go on there as well. - I need to produce a 'legend' of whose hand is where - the title and explanation of what it is needs painting on the bottom - Finally I need to figure out how to move it without cracking the surface, and how to get it high up on the end of a warehouse aisle. Then of course to carry these manoeuvres out. Once hung, then, as Quentin Crisp phrased it, it will most probably hang there 'until its dead.'

FEATURE 70 - Test Dept - Total State Machine & Bang On It

Ah! in the bygone days of the eighties, when 'Industrial' ruled the musical fringes of a new world. The natives were getting ready to revolt over the Poll Tax. Test Dept were cutting and edgy then, stripped to the waste as if imitating the hard physical toil of an industrial steelworker. Their early releases,such as 'Total State Machine' from 1984 were terrifying, consisting of metal sheets being whacked by metal pipes, grossly over amplified. The resulting sound possessed all the impressive theatrical grandeur and sweaty magnificence of a Marxist state sponsored event. Though it bore tinges of homo-eroticism, it remains a predominantly masculine music, similar to Heavy Metal. I would guess female fans would be rare. It was never for the faint hearted, those with insipid or overly refined musical tastes, or anyone whose humanity had been completely drained of semen or blood.



Here by the mid-nineties they've embraced the then prevalent dance culture, its a more accessible sound, though still with the metal clashing and bashing. 'Music is a weapon of the Truth' someone intones portentously over the opening of 'Bang on it'. Though they were often too overtly political for my tastes, we need such passionate and committed people now. Where are they when you need them? Who will awaken them from sleep? They're probably drinking real ale down the pub, nursing their beer guts and grudges about the continuing parlous state of socialism.

FEATURE 69 - The Sensational Alex Harvey Band - Faith Healer

I remember I first heard SAHB Faithhealer emerging menacingly from the radio. I was simply just so blown away by the atmosphere of it, I rushed out and bought the vinyl album 'Next' with its striking black and silver stripped artwork. I think I had to take it back a few times because the pressing I bought skipped and jumped through out this track, eventually, years later I bought a tape version. Now I don't even have to buy it again, I can just listen to it to my hearts content on Spotify. The wonders and benefits of the advancing technology.

DIARY 135 - Sitting On The Bluest Of Edges

A deep existential melancholy fell upon me early in this New Year, like a dense fog it shrouded and wove itself into the bedrock of everything I encountered. Like the weather, it did blow over, retreating over the horizon, out of sight and of mind. Covered over once more with the cheery disposition that I habitually present to the world. Yet everything that arises and falls does so in response to all the internal and external conditioning phenomena fluctuating and changing. So this view I have of an immutable me, however much I might reify it, is subject to the same subtle adjustments, shifting transitions, whether slow or rapid in time. Moods change, but each mood change itself taints and colours my next experience. It changes because my response to responses changes, and so it goes - like dominoes.

So I had this existential weariness compiled from a wide range of influences and responses. Initially it seemed triggered on Boxing Day by sitting through a film I was not remotely interested in. To be further compounded by two days of unremitting boredom manning Reception at work. After the never ceasing run of activity in the run up to Christmas, I was looking forward to that relentless sequence of planning and buying, to stop. But that was when the mood slapped me in the face. It showed me exactly how tired I was, physically, mentally and spiritually. Nothing seemed worth lighting a candle for any more, let alone putting further effort into. Why indeed should I bother?

My back had been troubled since the end of November. I spend most days, these days, trying to manage or minimise the conditions that cause the arising of joint pain. The Osteo-arthritis in my hands continues at a pace. Every joint from my wrist and up the thumb having become tender and sharply painful three months ago, and remained so. When I was younger I'd help my Grandma open jam jars because her Osteo meant she no longer could. At its worst this is becoming my situation too. Humbled by no longer being able to carry heavy objects in one hand alone. I'm also getting the feeling the Osteo is beginning to set up shop in my elbows too. This tenderness in the joints means my sleep is regularly restless so I regularly awaken tired, stiff and aching.

When all these conspire to be at there worst simultaneously, I can feel so weary. I have in the past relished putting my energy into things. But now, anything I do of a physical nature has a painful consequence either instantly or the next day, and sometimes can linger on for days, weeks, even months. The pain, aided and abetted by my response to it, has a draining effect on my energy. I am having to get used to becoming easily tired, adapting my work rate to assume a slower and more measured pace.

Unsurprisingly my daily meditation practise has collapsed. I haven't the energy or resolve to discipline myself on two fronts, just getting my body up and ready for work is enough. If I forced myself to meditate any remaining desire to practise the spiritual life would be swallowed up in corrosive resentment. Reluctantly, I've had to let go of any expectation that I can, or should, meditate regularly. On retreat, with no other drains on energy, then I can meditate. Another conditioning factor is that for many years my meditation hasn't exactly been sparkling with life, it's become rather innocuous. The motivation to arise early for yet another grapple with a lifeless squib, is just not there any more. Should conditions change then this situation might change, though ironically its my own physical conditions I don't have complete control over.

This means the major arena for my spiritual practise is now firmly in everyday life. Specifically two areas; how I respond and deal with the inevitability of decreasing energy and increasing physical limitations; and the creativity I can bring to my work day to day. One strongly affects the other ,so inextricable linked are they. This incipient dwindling of my physical capacities is the first substantial whiff of my body ageing and ultimately its impermanence. Arising from this swamp is the sour hearted beast of unsatisfactoriness, blowing hot and cold on my sense of who I am,the foundations of how I like to be, in myself, and in the world. Oh bugger!

DIARY 134 - And A Merry Christmas Was Had By All

With three folk down and out, the remaining four of us in Abbey House No 1 Community, still managed to lay out a good festive spread. Dressing up the table and ourselves. It was quite an occasion and fun too!

THE MENU :-

Starters - Garlic Mushrooms with lemon tarragon mayonaise & green salad

Main Course -Homemade Nut Roast, all the festive vegetables, Quorn Roast, Yorkshire Puds, Veggie Sausages wrapped in fake bacon, freshly made gravy.

Dessert - Homemade Christmas Pudding with brandy sauce.

Drinks - Grape Schloer or water.

After a brief break to wash up, we prepared a table of nibbles for a few friends who were coming round after 3pm. The fire was lit, and we watched White Christmas, tucking into cheese and biscuits, homemade Christmas Cake & Mince Pies etc etc, until we were all thoroughly stuffed.

WORK IN PROGRESS - Show of Hands - Stage 5+6

I had to abandon the December 18th deadline because of severe back pain exacerbated by the build up of stress as other projects/commitments increasingly demanding my attention. So, after nearly a months enforced break ( bending over a large canvas laid out across a floor did me no favours ) I tentatively renewed work on the Show Of Hands painting. I'm attemping to pace myself, but back strain seems to occur retrospectively hours after I've already done too much, making it hard to monitor in the moment.

I've stopped working on it at home. It needs to be laid out permanently flat from now on. All that rolling up overnight didn't help the 'flaky paint syndrome'. The original PVA I used to stabilise this, was just some old stuff I had lying around, the fresh stuff I bought recently, turned out to be washable. As soon as I put acrylic paint on it a chemical reaction that presumably makes it washable produces a crackling effect in the paint surface. Who knows I might be able to consciously use this effect in the future, but in this project its a bit of a pain. It disappears as soon as I apply a second coat, ( more work ! ) some colours are only thin washes, not solid colour, so a second coat would make them too dark. You can't really see the crackling from a distance, its one of those accidental mistakes I'm just having to learn to live with.

As far as the collecting of hand out lines goes I'm now down to the last few hands. I know who's missing and I'll no doubt get these four over the next few weeks. If not I'll just have to get more creative. I've already had some fun with it, creating squares for the Buddha's hand and for BooBoo - Sundara's dog.

This week I re-painted the border a darker green/grey colour which brought the colours of the hand squares much further forward. The end

effect I'm working for will have a subtle depth effect going on between alternate squares. The new border colour also gives it a more even finish. I've been battling for weeks with little bits of the old terracotta border flaking off and sticking to areas I've freshly painted. Through this process I've discovered that to stabilise the canvas surface I should've not only primed it with waterproof PVA, but slapped layers of white emulsion on it. This would also have produced a smoother painting surface. Too late now of course. This painting has produced lots of such difficulties and learning curves.

I'd estimate I'm about two thirds of the way through. I can see what the future stages of work will be to take me towards the finishing line. If next week is quiet in the warehouse I could make substantial progress. Keeping a weather eye on my back as I go, of course.

FEATURE 68 - These New Puritans

Not that sure about these guys, sometimes their vision and ambition just tips over into a tight arsed pompous pretension. But this track We Want War has such a grand magnificence to its sweep I can't help but find it addictive. Their chosen palette ranges across a broad musical spectrum from Holger Hiller and early Test Department on the arty left wing to Rammstein and Laibach on the slightly uncomfortable echoes of fascism right wing. This video is a suitably enigmatic performance that places itself left of centre.

TOP TUNES OF 2010

HARD TO PICK JUST ONE SONG FROM 'THE SUBURBS' BUT THIS ONE WILL DO



ONE HELL OF A STRONG SONG SUNG WITH GREAT POIGNANCY



FEET TAPPING EXHILARATION - SHAME THE REST OF THE ALBUM DIDN'T QUITE MATCH IT



MUCH UNDERRATED SONG - THIS ORIGINAL VIDEO IS CRACKING - IT'S THE ALIEN DANCER THAT MAKES IT !



A STUNNING TUNE BEAUTIFULLY SUNG - I'M STILL CAPTIVATED BY THIS WOMAN'S VOICE



MOODY MAGNIFICENCE FROM THE SWEDISH TREE SHAMAN



I CHALLENGE ANYONE NOT TO TAP YOUR FEET OR GET UP AND DANCE WHEN THIS IS ON



ADDICTIVE SONG PERFORMED WITH A LIFE AFFIRMING ZEAL, WHICH REMAINS TOUCHING



CLASSIC GAGA SONG GRAFTED ONTO THIS HOMAGE TO TARANTINO - IT COULD ONLY BE DOWN HILL FROM HERE ON - AND IT WAS



WINNING THIS YEARS MUSICAL MINIMALISM AWARD



PLUS AN OLD ONE I'M STILL FOND OF FROM THE FIRST COCTEAU TWINS ALBUM - FILLED WITH SHIMMERS OF MAGIC AND DARK FOREBODING

FEATURE 67 - The Late Great Captain Beefheart

FEATURE 66 - Jeremy Hunt rhymes with.....

Somewhat disbelieving that I heard what I thought I'd heard on the Today programme. But yes, the venerable Naughtie did indeed accidentally exchange the C from Culture Secretary with the H of Hunt. Laugh, I nearly wet my crotch with spilt coffee.

FEATURE 65 - Kraftwerk - Autobahn

Seriously surreal - this is the original animated film created for Autobahn by two British animators- quite odd in a 'what are they trying to say with this' sort of way, and probably very much of its time too perhaps, well its just been given it to the BFI Archive.

FEATURE 64 - Miranda

Oh great great joy, now Miranda is back on the BEEB. The first series was such an innocent pleasure, cheesy in a good way, old fashioned whilst being ever so knowing, all those pratfalls, slapstick, farce and confessionals to the audience, not to mention the winks! You think - I'm too old to be laughing at this sort of stuff - just before you splutter half chewed mini Cheddar's onto your carpet at the 'nude fondue' line. It's also good to laugh because it's genuinely witty, not rude, unpleasant, or littered with so called edgy cringe inducing humour (i.e more expletives than adjectives ) She's pure unadulterated genius - Hurrah for Monday nights!!