MY OWN WALKING - 1st Journal July 2022

I seem to have reached a place of relative ease with being non aligned, spiritually speaking. Trying to hold an open mind about sources for helpful forms of practice, and how the ultimate aim of the spiritual life is conceived in a broader range of religious traditions. 

At the same time I don't want to ascribe to a purely universalist viewpoint on religions as being 'all one', like some half baked Theosophist. Though on the ultimate level at least, I'm willing to respect the view that many religions, theistic or otherwise, appear to be using a different formulation of language to describe a very similar ineffable reality. But, as such, it will all be approximate bollocks with regard to what the real deal is like in the end. There is a lot of unnecessary theological tosh strewn across the spiritual path, you just need to learn how to dodge or hop over a lot of it.

My crack of dawn reading has moved on from revisting the pithiness of Lao Tsu and the Tao Te Ching, to The Mumonkan, a book of Zen Koans and accompanying commentaries. So its koans for breakfast to both perfume and baffle my barely awakened mind. One koan this week - Gutei Raises A Finger -  I'm finding still resonates with me. Summarised as follows:-

Whenever anyone asked Zen Master Gutei any question he replied by simply raising his finger. One day a novice answers back by raising his own finger to Gutei, a finger which Gutei immediately cuts off with a knife. As the novice runs away screaming in agony Gutei calls out to him. The novice turns back to look, Gutei raises his finger to him and the novice becomes enlightened. 

As with many koans it has the surface resemblance to a slapstick comedy routine. These days this type of master-disciple relationship might be couched as inherently abusive, a misuse of power and position etc. But that would be to take the historical veracity of this koan far far too literally. These stories are essentially spiritual metaphors.

The obvious question that arises is - what does the raising of Gutei's finger signify? It echoes that apocryphal transmission story, where the Buddha raises a flower to Mahakashyapa, who then smiles and becomes enlightened. But Gutei raises his finger to any question, so his intent and meaning appears more dependent upon circumstances, the spiritual conditions and needs of the novice.

There can also be an element of rebuke in the raising of a finger. Along the lines of a teacher wagging their finger at you, or an angsty motorist giving you the finger. Gutei's novice was maybe being a bit too knowing, too clever or too rude. The novice's intent to parody Gutei's finger meaning it had to be removed, for the novice to be receptive to Gutei's second finger raising. Was it literally removed, or was this a metaphorical, symbolic cutting off of a wrong view/appendage?

In some Soto Zen traditions you are encouraged to look for naturally occurring Koans, ones that arise in the course of daily life. Gutei's raised finger here could be saying - where is your current koan, the cutting edge of your practice in everyday life? What is it? Have your answer ready? If I were to give voice to what my naturally occurring koan is, what would I say? 

My first stab at what my current koan of daily life is:- 

How do you not develop attachments to, or expectations of, reality being or staying in a particular way?

That there are attachments and expectations is inevitable, but I don't have to let them rule me. With the current unpredictable nature of the economy and our business, the future of it is, understandably, on my mind a lot. Surrounded by my expectations both optimistic and fatalistic. The momentary anticipations of browsers becoming customers. The simple attachment to the business thriving. These, and permutations of these, bubble up constantly. Whenever my ability to manage or contextualise these concerns is at its feeblest, then worry and despondency occupy the castle. 

The core view feeding this worry and concern, and the arising of these expectations, is the unsettled desire for the business to survive. Not an unnatural concern or aspiration after putting so much time and effort into it. You would expect to be attached to that continuing to thrive in some way. Its our livelihood after all. But wishful thinking is never enough. Sometimes effort, initiative and ingenuity will not be enough. Sometimes the destructive force of rapidly changing circumstances can be irresistible. Our resistance, however valient, may in the end prove futile.

I've been through my own art shop business failing, Through Windhorse Evolution failing. Those businesses failed, not me, and that is one problem in becoming too attached to anything in the material world , you can take it far too personally. It feels like its this emotional extension of me, even though I know its not really. When it is no more, I will feel the loss and grieve. The universe gives no credence to what I want to happen. All I can do is continue putting effort in. Whilst recognising I am a tiny part of the conditions and circumstances affecting our business. Acting as if I can just lift a pinkie and command it, or hold back the waves like King Canute, would be foolhardy. I have to acknowledge the impermanence of my creations and of my self. Businesses die, as will I, get over it.

Businesses are subject to change, they thrive, they fail, and they can rise again in a different, if not unexpected, form. Its holding all that cauldron of uncertainty and possibility and yet not letting it fall into fatalistic defeatism or idealised heroism. Yet to keep persisting, keep putting effort into something even if it appears, to your eyes at least, to be floundering - well that's not easy.  At the same time be prepared to let it all go. I have to be willing to let it go bust, to allow it to die. To let the tsunami of economic circumstances overwhelm and drown the business, if need be. And for that, though no doubt a difficult thing to endure, to be OK. 

Whatever is to happen will make itself known in a moment of clarity -Oh, that is where we were heading! No amount of prediction or prognostication will be at all helpful. I will hear the words of the oracle soon enough. Pick up my trust and confidence, then carry on walking.