This film is utter shite. Two hundred million US dollars worth of well polished golden sparkling techincolour shite. In the the immortal words of Fela Kuti, this is Expensive Shit. Its almost as if the director realised at some point that it wasn't really happening, so decided - let's throw more complexity and money into the mix dude. The problem here is there is not enough shit going on. It thinks its being clever when its just being a dickhead. No one on this films production appears to have heard of the concept 'less is more'.
As a consequence we have incursions from multiple multiverses, multiple Dr Strange and Scarlet Witch, all in a joyless cyclical crescendo of shite. At two hours and six minutes it felt as though it was way way longer than that. This film has no sense of jeopardy, humour, nor proportion over what it is offering up to the visual world. Its a bit like someone shamelessly displaying their genitalia - take a look at my bright shiny knob! The cultural appropriation and trashing of Tibetan Buddhism is also quite appalling. I just did not care about anything it did, for all of its mammoth length. I no longer want to see any actor with arms commandingly raised twinkling their little fingers directing hot air.
I wont give you a story synopsis, not because it doesn't matter, because it doesn't, really it doesn't, but because to do so would be forcing me to relive a primary trauma. What is a truly remarkable feat is that it made Nope, by comparison, acquire a gripping tight story line with well rounded interesting characters you might relate to. Its shite, just shite, from mouth to anus, from grandiose start to interminable end.
The score is just to reward them for getting up each day to make leaden shite of superlative quality, because it takes a particular talent to do that with such clarity and consistency.
CARROT REVIEW - 1/8
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