TAO TIT BITS - The Appearance of Words

 

"Truthful words are not beautiful.
   Beautiful words are not truthful"

Taken from the Tao Te Ching by Lao Tsu
Translated by Gia-Fu Feng, Publisher Wildwood House. 1974

FINISHED READING - Wild by Amy Jeffs

You cannot fault its presentation. The immaculate cover based on one of Amy Jeff's dramatic prints which open each chapter. The free bookmarks, the postcards, its all very striking and atmospheric. Everything is telling you something rather unique and special lies within its hardcover. Its a cultural event. But is it? What exactly is this all about?

Wild, subtitled Tales from Early Medieval Britain, explores the Anglo Saxon poems gathered together in the Essex Book. But they are not really tales, more poetic evocations of a predicament or state of mind. There are fine new translations of the original poems at the back of the book by Dr Graham Young. Each chapter begins with Jeff's own prose versions of the poems. This is then followed by  providing historical background detail. The missing context to explain to a 21st century reader where exactly the poems are coming from. So that is the set up. 

I would question what the need for all this is. The original poems are brilliantly evocative in themselves. Why they need Jeff's prose versions is questionable and they tend to fall short in helping them be more comprehensible. They actually perform quite poorly in the job they appear to be setting out to do. The historical or mythic context she brings is fitfully interesting, but doesn't help that much in illuminating or evoking the world view being portrayed within the poems.  This is comparable to a beautifully presented dissertation. I have to come to the conclusion that this presentational blitz is just that and little else. If you removed that, would this really be garnering this level of attention? I think not.



CARROT REVIEW - 2/8

FRIDAY SERIAL - Duncan's Evident Curiosity ( Epi 9)

You can't work for a business full of 'believers' and be in a relationship with its General Manager, without becoming intrigued about what their beliefs actually are. Fond admiration of Gavin, his good natured unflappable attention to others needs, had now reached the stage of a full blown love affair. Each besotted with the other. Gavin never wanted to proselytise to anyone, least of all his lovers. He realised Duncan's evident curiosity would one day get the better of him. Dreading the day that moment would arrive. Which one day of course, it did. 

'Gavin, if I wanted to find out more about your movement, where would I start? I can't find much detail on the internet. You got a book you could lend me? Something basic. You know me, something I could easily get my head around'

Gavin took a deep breath, looked him in the eyes - what might he be ready for? Riffling through his bookshelves he emerged with a very thin book, hardly a hundred pages in length - 'An Introduction to The Material Arts Movement' by (Runga Bunga La Di Da ) There on the cover the uncomfortable photo of that stern face, staring out at you like a disciplinarian headmaster with a kinky hidden secret life. Duncan was never sure how to interpret that face. Gavin placed the book, with a deliberately throw away casualness, into his lap. Touching affectionately the back of Duncan's head. He looked at him examining the book, then turned away biting his bottom lip.  This moment could be pivotal in their relationship. With the possibility he might have to get used to being without a partner in life, yet again.

'Try that to start with. If you want to learn more there are beginner's groups.'

Duncan turned over the book and read the blurb on the back. It was, as he expected reverential guff. 

'A brief explanation of the foundational beliefs of The Material Arts Movement, from this highly revered spiritual teacher. Written in the direct uncompromising fashion ( Runga Bunga La Di Da ) is so renowned for. Making accessible these teachings, derived from revered and time tested religious sources. Skillfully blending these into a cohesive whole, refreshingly contemporary, clear and beautifully expressed. Its accessible, yet challenging material, filtered through his perceptive analysis of our modern world, its problems, hangups and dilemmas'  

A synopsis of the life of (Runga Bunga La Do Da) prefaced the book. Much being made of his humble origins in Maidstone and the revelations and inspirations that made him decide to forge his own spiritual path for himself. 'Drawing from traditional religions, but free of becoming their unthinking slave' as he put it. And yet, thought Duncan, here he is a founder of his own movement, inconsistently deviating from his own first principle.

Approaching any religious movement for the first time, there is always the unspoken question -' Is this some sort of cult? Though its rare that anyone fully defines that latter term. Holding their cynicism in higher regard, than any truths that might be being laid out before them. Everything required testing in a bath of freezing cold water first. Duncan was no different, he felt his scepticism rising up to meet everything. 

Yet, here he was, in love with Gavin, and there was this one thing which he knew was so important to him, that he knew nothing about. Maybe this was what made St Gavin tick. Gavin was truly a lovely man, maybe The Material Arts Movement would be truly lovely too. He wanted to be fair, he wanted to like it, perhaps a little too much. He wanted to appreciate what he read. Take off that protective cloak of cynicism and professed indifference, and just read without prejudice, without rosy or harshly tinted glasses? Well, at least he could give that a try.

Gavin had gone out of the room into the kitchen. Nervousness had made him go there, ostensibly to make a pot of green tea. Really it was because watching his boyfriend read that book, was a form of torture. Similar to loaning a friend a favourite novel, CD or video. You want them so much to see it as you do, to join you in the loving of it, to bring them closer to you through it. He was also aware this was an unpredictable game he was in the middle of, with an equally unpredictable outcome. It could end up with the 'love object' wondering who on earth this person was who could like this sort of arrant nonsense. He'd no idea what Duncan's response to such 'spiritual stuff' would be.

Gavin returned to the room with a tray loaded up with a pot of green tea, cups, saucers and biscuits, Duncan was studiously curled up in the armchair with a pencil taking down notes on scraps of paper. Was that a good sign? Had anyone done that before? 

'How's it going? You getting on with it ? '

' I'm fine. Its well outside my usual reading and subject matter. Its wacky but interesting. I'm just reading the paragraph about the 'primacy of the individual in choosing his own allegiances.'

' Yes, some of my favourite aphorisms come from this book'

Gavin recited aloud from memory

'Your life is the vehicle for every insight and transformation possible.' 

'Your imagination is several steps ahead of you at all times, honour it, cultivate it, breath it in, live it.'  

'Art and creative self expression, is not a self indulgent luxury, but a vital intermediary in bringing what is internal and as yet unformed and giving it, not only form, but also the permission to be lived'.

Duncan noticed how much Gavin's face lit up. His whole body and mind   reinvigorated the moment he started speaking the words out loud. It obviously meant so much to him. Duncan felt his responsibility not to respond carelessly, not be too flippant or camply dismissive in any off the cuff comments he might be tempted to make. None of those reactions felt applicable as yet anyway. It crossed his mind that maybe he should read the book at home, on his own. Literally in his own time and space. Or would that just prolong Gavin's evident agony? So he asked him straight:-

'Gav, would you prefer it if I read this back at my flat? You seem a bit tense. My doing it here whilst you wait appears to be weirding you out. How about I take a break, have a cup of green tea, eat a biscuit or two, then go home?'

'Not sure if that'll help"

'It matters to you, that I appreciate this book. Well, already I can see something of why that might be. Yes, it feels a bit odd, but then a lot of stuff does at first, until you get tuned into it'

'Its just...its just.... I don't want to lose you because of it'

He stood up and moved towards Gavin and embraced him in a large reassuring hug. 

'I see. You think I'm going to get so freaked out I'll do a runner on you. I'm a grown up. Though some might say otherwise. I may or may not end up loving this book, or your movement. I don't know that yet. I love you, you big lump. Have some confidence in that.'

Though Gavin said he was OK with Duncan going home, he wasn't really. He was aware from extensive experience with beginners, that everything could be going quite hunky dory, someone could be really really enthusiastic, then they'd just disappear, not come back again. You'd never know why. But in retrospect there had been tell tale signs early on. They'd read something, take a phrase out of context, and it would trigger a seismic knee jerk response. If there was no one close by at such a time to explain or talk it through with them, people just spun out, never to return. Once it dawns in them what changes a spiritual life implicitly is asking of you, some folk felt that and baled.  Retention - always a bit of a problem.

So as he kissed Duncan in the porch of the community, and saw him walk away down the street, he couldn't stop painting this scene into his imagination as being the last he'd ever see of him. Sitting on the steps, covering his mouth lest anyone else in the community heard the melodrama going on in his mind spill out.

Beyond the particular strains of this particular moment, there were practices of the Material Arts Movement, that were a hard sell. Should Duncan come through reading this book relatively unscathed, such aspects of the movement and its origins, if trodden on too soon, might blow him completely out of the water. Alone in his room that night, given the contentious nature of some of them, he wondered quite why even he stayed involved.

NEXT EPISODE
Duncan's Selected Teachings of (Runga Bunga La Di Da )
( Episode 10 / 12 )
Will be posted next Friday 4th November 2022

WATCHED - Paris Is Burning

In the 1980's an urban social phenomenon emerged in the New York City gay underclass. The young gay community gathered together to perform drag balls in large ramshackle halls. Successful performers became important enough to form their own 'House' of which they were The Mother. Such 'houses' took in young gay men off the street, supported them, helping them find their feet. They often walked the catwalk in self made or frequently stolen cloths. The balls were extremely competitive and had increasingly outlandish themes. These often mimicked or parodied cultural dress codes of sections of higher elite society. Ones that they might aspire to being only in their dreams. Overtime their own language developed. The concept of 'casting shade' visually or verbally has its sources in this time.

If this all sounds vaguely familiar then maybe you've watched the Ryan Murphy TV series Pose which is based on this period. Though this shows it as being much more ostentatious and glamorous than it actually was. It does nonetheless portray well what was happening then. The BBC Arena documentary from 1990 -  Paris Is Burning shows you just how rough and improvised out of thin air it really was. These were not gay men, transvestites or trans people with much money  What money they earned, often through prostitution or drugs, went into their next fabulous creation or gender surgery.

If you were trans at this time you lived a quite precarious life. Where the danger of abusive attacks, rape and murder was extremely common. A fate which Venus Evangelista, who they follow through out the documentary, becomes the victim of by the end of it. This is a brilliant thought provoking, yet life enhancing documentary, which shows you how an impoverished and embattled sub culture can thrive, going from strength to strength, in spite of inhospitable circumstances

CARROT REVIEW 7/8

Currently available to stream on I Player.

TAO TIT BITS - The Sound of Truth

 

"The truth often sounds paradoxical"

Taken from the Tao Te Ching by Lao Tsu
Translated by Gia-Fu Feng, Publisher Wildwood House. 1974

THE BEST BEFORE DATE - 2008 - Blind by Hercules & Love Affair

 

Blind was the stand out track from Hercules & Love Affair's eponymous first album. Packed full as it was with updated twists upon classic disco, house and techno stylings with a more contemporary lyrical subject matter usually around identity. Hence the vocally ambiguous presence of Anthony Hegarty now Anohni , on vocals. It was probably a lot of people's first introduction to his unique voice, at least outside of his albums of reflectively sad ballads and torch songs. He had only recently won the Mercury Prize for the album I am A Bird Now in 2005. Here he hits this track running, as its rhythm chugs along getting progressively more hardcore and aggressive in tone. There is an insistence behind it that makes it much more than the dance floor filler that it is. It struts, rather than stomps, as Anohni's vocals declaim over the top.. Its stays on my playlist year in year out because its that good.

To see you now
To hear you now
I can look outside myself
And I must examine my breath and look inside
Because I feel blind
Because I feel blind

Blind barely reached the UK charts topping at No 40. So I dare say for the majority of the general public it came and went in the blink of an eye. Amazingly the band was founded by Andy Butler in the aftermath of persuading Hegarty to perform the vocals on the song Blind. They have worked with each other on and off ever since, most recently on their 2022 album In Amber. The band remains largely Butler's creation and there is a constantly rotating list of musicians who have done work as part of Hercules & Love Affair. Whilst the band has never made it big here or in the US, they remain a influential entity operating perversely in the background. 

SCREEN SHOT - Detroit

Kathryn Bigelow's film from 2017 attempts to reassemble from testimony and recordings of the people who were actually present at the central shameful events of the 1967 riots in Detroit. Set off by a police raid on a private party held by African -Americans. Their arrest and mistreatment by the police kicked off nights of fire raising, looting and pitch battles. 

In the midst of the flair up of rioting, a night of auditions by Motown was taking place. An all male vocal group The Dynamics are waiting to perform. The whole event is pulled just before they are about to go on, because of the worsening situation outside in the streets. The group's attempt to get home safely fails, so they take shelter in The Algiers Hotel. This fateful decision places them in the centre of what turned out to be the most atrocious incident of police racial torture and murderous violence. All of it kicked off by one guy firing a toy gun out of a window.

Bigelow captures all the confusion, panic and torture of that night. With her characteristic flair for hand held camera work, she creates a tense, almost documentary like atmosphere. You feel as though you are right there. The incident in the hotel is the central telling event, which all the surviving people and their families lives were psychologically damaged by. With all its contemporary echoes of George Floyd and numerous other incidents of racially motivaated violence by the police, it is a harrowing watch.  Police brutality towards black Americans still to this day largely evades judicial punishment.

CARROT REVIEW - 7/8

FRIDAY SERIAL - Duncan's Romancing (Epi 8)

The men's commune was situated inside a vast four floored Edwardian terraced house. Located in a tree lined street on the very edges of Finsbury Park, leaning in towards the Crouch End approaches. It even had a brass name plate, stating in cursive script that it was The Antinous Community ( MAM) The contrast couldn't have been more different to the eighties shambles that was the Mulberry Park Estate where Duncan lived. The restrained elegance of its exterior, the stained glass door, fan light and bay windows, its checker board tiled entrance porch. All deceived you about what further aesthetic beauties you might find within. 

Once entered you were confronted by a confusion of bicycles propped up in ranks in a dimly lit stairwell lobby. A hazard of epic proportions should there ever be a fire. A veritable layered forest of coats hung off the walls, as though skins had been flailed, and shoes littered the floor like smelly rats, on and off racks. A post shelf, piled with junk mail, plus the accumulated mail for people who'd lived here many bygone eras ago. All of which no one thought to throw away, return to sender, or recycle.

Dinner with Gavin had now become a regular booking. Usually whatever day Gavin was cooking for the commune. He was an excellent cook, able to rustle up a more than passable curry. To which everyone in the community enthusiastically attended. There were apparently some commune members whose cooked meals were best avoided. The worst one consisting of over cooked rice, boiled potatoes, topped with pasta in a thin insipid baked bean sauce. The boys usually arranging en mass to be out on those nights. Staying at a boyfriends flat. Sneaking out to buy takeaway. But most assembled like members of a dissenting sect in the greasy spoon cafe just over the hill in Hornsey Rise.

Duncan's general impression of the commune was how grubby and uncared for it was. Which considering what a mess his own flat was in currently, was somewhat hypocritical of him. But he saw that as a temporary aberration which he currently was in the process, at least in his imaginative intentions, of removing. One day soon it would be an immaculate and cool place to live in once more. 

Cleaning in the community, according to Gavin, had always been a perpetual problem. Initially everyone had put their name down to clean specific areas. Left to their own volition when to do this. It didn't matter when, just so long as it was done once a week. But a young man's sense for how to clean, or even if something needed cleaning at all, varies quite widely.  Most had never touched even a duster before joining the commune. Their upbringing failed to instruct their gay male progeny in the arcane art of noticing where and when dirt was accumulating, and taking responsibility to clean it. At present they cleaned the house collectively on a Wednesday, befor they had a regular meeting as a commune. Everyone could then at least see it was being done, however ineffectively half arsed.

Over these dinners and hanging our together afterwards, it became clear how well they got on. Gavin had a charm to him, a sharply observed wit. He'd read quite widely, judging by the references he made and the packed bookcases in his room. Though nine years older than Duncan, this did not matter. He was just a lovely kind natured guy, very considerate and attentive. Becoming a bit of a mentor, that Duncan felt he could model himself on. They tended not to talk in any detail about what his beliefs or religious practice's were. He just referred casually to (Runga Bunga La Di Da ) or his current Rosicrucian or Theosophical reading. Duncan, at this point, didn't think it the right time to enquire what this meant in detail. Looking it up on Google later, he wasn't much wiser. Basically, it was all the best bits world religions held in common, rammed together in a mash up, with some sort of associated occult undertow.

In principle, no sex was meant to take place in the commune. But in reality, if you put a whole bunch of gay men in a house together, there were always relationships going on between commune members. Ones that were diplomatically turned a blind eye to. Gavin, however, felt it an important principle to respect. So signs of affection between them, were only when they went out. A discreet hug or squeeze of the hand in the park, a parting kiss in the community porch. It was all quite quaintly chaste and gentle in nature. This was not what Duncan was used to. The rush to get raunchy, followed by the desire never to see them ever again afterwards, once you discovered they were a racist, misogynist, Tory voting bastard, with halitosis. Would he ever fully get over Zak?

Gavin's room in the commune had beautiful period furniture, soft warm coloured walls, and felt like a haven of order and refinement. Surrounded by an other wise chaotic commune. Built, so it seemed, out of cobbled together third hand IKEA units, with several layers of chipped emulsion paintwork. Some might have call this a patina of age, but its real resemblance was to distressed scruffy mechano. Conscious of Gavin's taste and sophistication, Duncan was reluctant to invite him back to his flat. At least, not until he'd tidied, cleaned and purged it of the detritus formed during his long period of depressive slump and inactivity. The burgeoning relationship with Gavin gave him all the incentive he needed to finally sort it out.

When he and it was ready, there was a knock on his flat door and there stood a beaming Gavin with a bunch of slightly wind battered tulips. Both tittering like bashful teensagers as he stepped in, Gavin closed the door behind him and gave Duncan the deepest groping, kiss and embrace. Throwing the flowers on a side table he asked,

'So where's the bedroom?'

Duncan edged him towards it, in a stumbling straddling walk, whilst still in an embraced kiss. Closing the door behind him with a practiced flick of the foot.

NEXT EPISODE  
Duncan's Evident Curiosity ( Episode 9 / 12 )
Will be posted next Friday 28th October 2022

SCREEN SHOT - The Eternals

The Eternals have been asleep, living ordinary lives among the mortals. Hidden in plain sight. Then Deviant monsters break into the mortal universe and begin destroying and ravaging it. The Eternals have to gather themselves together to push back on the advances of these dangerous animals.

Well, this film certainly lasted an eternity, with a running time of nearly 2 hours 40 minutes. If this had been a fast paced adventure film, lots of set piece action sequences, niftily moving the story on, that may have been OK. However, this movie unnecessarily luxuriates in itself, and has the speed of a snail. Its as if it was made by an art house director who wanted to make this reflective statement about the immense burdens of being an immortal super hero. 

Which is where Oscar winner for Nomadland, Chloe Zhaoe comes in. Not, you would imagine, your first, nor ideal choice for a director of a potential Marvel franchise. Maybe they were thinking she'd be another Ang Lee. Pace is an issue, but script development is weak too. The narrative of these Eternals fighting the advance of 'The Deviants' needed much more work tightening it up. There are some witty self deprecating humour in the super hero character of the Indian Bollywood star Kingo. If that had been developed across all characters, perhaps this film would have been less turgidly pofaced and worthy.

On the plus side there are some beautiful bits of CGI. It has a great cast, but all are sorely under used. If Marvel has these characters in mind for some magnificent story arc, then they urgently need to rethink and relaunch this. Or better still, just forget about it altogether.

CARROT REVIEW - 2/8

FINISHED READING - A Little History of Religion by Richard Holloway

Published as part of Yale Press's ' A Little History' series of books. This one has Richard Holloway attempting a quick dash across a broad spectrum of religions and religious views. Taking in along the way what makes religions arise, how they have developed, changed and adapting in their emphasis over the millennia. Bringing you right up to present with final chapters on Scientology and Secular Humanism. Written in order to be suitable for people of faith and people with non, it treads very carefully.

The religions he has chosen are there because they highlight a particular era or newly emerging aspect of religious belief or practice. Each chapter is approximately five to six pages long, so it never goes into forensic detail. That said, he presents his a broad overview very fluently, for example, of how the Bahai faith emerged and its central beliefs. This brevity does prove a bit dissatisfying overall. There seems some apologetic humility hovering angelic like around the use of 'Little' in this series title. They are certainly brief.

Holloway's writing is informative and sticks to the fundamentals, and tip toes around making judgements concerning veracity. There are more chapters on the development of Christianity than any other, no doubt because that has been his own path, and he understands its evolution best. That Christian centric bias does, however, leave a feeling of it being unbalanced, and made the brief inclusion of some faiths appear tokenistic. The impartiality of his working stand point means the book seemed emotionally neutered, and unanchored. One felt he was trying so hard not to let his own views intrude. Which I assume may have been his commissioning brief.

That said there is some useful bits exploring what faith is. How much religions are used as a means to justify violence and control. And was this inherent to religious belief or simply a human propensity finding an outlet through it? I'm not sure, other than being the obvious skip across forms of religion, what the purpose of this book was, nor who they imagined it was for? It was religious light reading, for the moderately curious. A bit empty and lacking in narrative grit. If Holloway and his undoubted perceptiveness and analysis had felt a bit more available in the book, I may have found it more of a compelling read.

CARROT REVIEW - 4/8

TAO TIT BITS - Those Who Know When To Stop

"Those who are attached to things will suffer much. 
Those who save will suffer heavy loss
A contented person is never disappointed.
Those who know when to stop
do not find themselves in trouble.
They will stay forever safe"

Taken from the Tao Te Ching by Lao Tsu
Translated by Gia-Fu Feng, Publisher Wildwood House. 1974

FRIDAY SERIAL - Duncan"s Weird Work Dynamic ( Epi 7)

Within the first few days it became obvious what Duncan's main talent and contribution would be. He proved to be fabulous on Reception, fielding calls, charming people, delivery men, smoothing the general operation of the office. Anything in the area of customer service that he took control of, suddenly started to spark with energy. Though he'd only ever worked in offices on a casual basis, Duncan was as surprised as everyone else was by how much he knew. He became quite rightly pleased with himself. He wasn't the complete loser after all. But then it was also plain to Duncan, that pretty much everyone else in the office, bar himself and the ever resourceful Gavin, were clueless and a complete waste of space. Simple effective competence had instantly made him look masterful. 

And the office staff were not just all guys, but all gay guys. There was not one woman on the premises. How did they manage to pull that one off? The only woman he saw was the weekly visitation of Maureen from the Accounts Team in the Suffolk women's commune. Collecting paperwork, bringing paperwork, wages etc. Spending an hour with Gavin in his office, before going out to a cafe with him for a more informal social chat. Duncan could see it provided Gavin with an opportunity to offload all his frustrations into her more receptive ear? Always returning minus the frown on his forehead. Maureen, statuesque in loose flowing caftan like dresses, presented herself well, combined with an extremely composed, calming presence. Why was it, mused Duncan, that all the men in this 'movement' ( Gavin excepted) were naive and frankly inept, whereas all the women he'd seen so far; Avril; Maureen were just so intensely who they were, comfortable in their skin, admirably effective and had the look of being solidly dependable?

The real question was, where had all these gay guys, dressed in versions of the same style of cheap sports clothing, come from? As the weeks passed,why became clear. Retinal Hemorrhage had moved here from  rather cramped and improvised circumstances in a large garage/warehouse in Finsbury Park. Bringing with it, its entirely gay male workforce. The garage business belonged to the gay men's commune set up with money from the UK Headquarters of the MAM  (Material Arts Movement)  The business originally evolved out of an idea a few former commune members had had. All of the twinks, the winsome young men who now drifted around the office or slackly slumped in their chairs so ineffectually, were the current batch of idealistic young recruits. For whom their livelihood provided a sort of spiritual cutting edge. Founded upon laziness, thought Duncan.

In this new enlarged business, there was an uneven mix between what could be couched' believers' from the commune, and 'employees'. Neither side understanding quite where the other was coming from. So there was an inherent friction. The 'believers' learnt their role on the job, and if they weren't that good at filing say, would be tried out on mail order, phones or dispatch. If they proved completely useless at anything they were never sacked, just hidden away somewhere where they could do the least damage. Perhaps a 'gofa' waiting on a request to go fetch something. But mostly they would be found constantly hoovering the office,or sweeping the floors of the print workshop in a derisory semi- depressed manner. The 'employees' were brought in because they already had the requisite practical skills, and were paid the going rate. The 'believers' paid on a 'needs' basis, were constantly short of money and wheedling for more.

The 'employees' consequently resented the 'believers' because they felt they were left to do all the real work. Which was true. The 'believers' could suddenly disappear only to be found either having a snooze in a cupboard somewhere, or be seen meditating, doing yoga or tai chi whilst supposed to be manning Reception, data entry or filing. With no one there to show them how office jobs should be done, out of sheer boredom they'd frequently start inventing a system all their own. 

Overtime with many such unnecessary reinventions of the wheel, the office record keeping systems, for example, evolved into this twisted unmanageable beast of a thing. The original inventors long gone, no one understood anymore why things were done in this particular way. Any new arrival initially forced to carry on executing tasks in the same manner. Even if they knew this was a totally rubbish way of doing things. Once they'd been there a month or so, if they hadn't already left, they'd start making misguided 'improvements' of their own. Should an 'employee' or a 'believer' arrive with the necessary skills, such as with Duncan, then some semblance of an effective organisation might start to appear. 

Duncan's arrival came then as a blessed relief for Gavin, who had been banging his head against this particular form of brick wall for two years. Finally he had someone who knew what he was doing, and was good at it. He could relax more, because he didn't have to diplomatically micro manage him, like he often had to with many of the 'believers'.  Having moved to the Seven Dials premises, it was also possible to introduce the computer based office package he'd been hassling for. This was intended to kick start a revolution in how the business operated, which it did. A complete review of all systems, paper or digital, began. Duncan became a major part of this. As was to be expected, it threw all the other 'believers' into a hissy fit of insecurity and resistance. The old over complicated systems was, nonetheless, overturned, existing staff being retrained, or relocated to 'garden duty'.

What made this weird workforce dynamic worse was two fold.  First, most of the 'employees' were taken on to work in the print room. They had skills in the mechanics of printing and were down in the cellar workshop. Whereas most of the 'believers' worked in the office up above them. An Us and Them culture rapidly developed around this physical demarcation.

Second, the 'believers' sexual orientation or gender bias, was anywhere along the spectrum from bisexual, to gay, to non binary, to trans. Whereas the 'employees' downstairs' were generally rock solid straight blokes and heterosexual as they come. They found 'the guys' upstairs either intrinsically threatening or truly baffling, sometimes both. In public, homophobic or transphobic language would be actively self censored. Only bursting to the surface when one of the 'poofters upstairs' had goofed up really really badly.

In the midst of all this, the seemingly still small point was Gavin, the General Manager. Yes, he was gay, but unlike the other 'believers' he had a wealth of experience in the job he was now doing. Though he tore his hair out when alone in his office. He had developed an effective way of bridging the culture gap with the guys in the workshop. Engaging in male banter and joking, flattering and charming them into liking him, and hence more willing to do what he requested of them. They were much more tolerant and appreciative of anyone who they found trustworthy and actually knew their job. His being gay didn't seem to matter one jot then. They couldn't bare an ineffectual man, who made there job harder. If they were also effeminate this simply rubbed salt in the wound. Competence, not prejudice, being the primary ruling distinction here.

Duncan lightheartedly referred to him as Saint Gavin to his face. Which he would smile wryly at. Gavin, when under pressure, sometimes assumed an impassive expression, which made him hard to read. Whether he was at all as interested in Duncan, as Duncan was in Gavin, had not yet been determined. Until one lunchtime Gavin asked Duncan if he'd like to come to the gay men's commune for dinner one evening. Dinner with Gavin and get a peek at what a men's commune was like. He couldn't wait. This Saturday? Yes please.

NEXT EPISODE - Duncan's Romancing ( Episode 7 / 12 )
will be posted Friday 21st October 2022

FEATURE - Quorn TV Advert

 This is currently my favourite TV advert. It feels ever so slightly wrong, whilst also making a useful point that its good tasting on its own terms and doesn't need to be compared or associated with meat. I chuckle pretty much every time I watch it. Hope you enjoy it too.

THE BEST BEFORE DATE - 1991 - Crucified by Army of Lovers

 

Sometimes I just love a good bit of outrageously enjoyable trashy pop, combined with the campest video possible. A half dressed hairy chested man with a simpering delivery held in bondage. And an ample bosomed woman thrusting her cleavage, huge red lips and practically everything else, directly to camera.. The song is a richly embellished delight, full of little musical hook lines, all over the top and rococo. I never tire of the tune or the video. This is just great tongue in cheek fun.

This song was their pop highlight reaching No 14 in the UK chart. Though they had other self penned hits and cover versions, nothing quite reaches the glorious heights of Crucified. This Swedish band, formed in 1987 has since gone through numerous line up changes. The founding members Alexander Bard , Jean-Pierre Barda and Camilla Henemark ( AKA La Camilla ) were together until 1991 when La Camilla left. All the subsequent versions of the band retained Bard & Barda. They have been through two female replacements for La Camilla. She briefly returned for one of their reformations, until being unceremoniously thrown out of the band and replaced by one of her successors. The band is currently on its third reunion, even though Bard had said in 2015 he had officially retired. What he retired too was espousal of men's movement politics and gnosticism. Perhaps it would be better if he stuck to trash pop, where he knows what he's doing.

SHERINGHAM DIARY No 68 - No pain for the poor, No gain for the rich

October 1st 2022
Well, who knew eh? Who. Knew? Well everyone except our government apparently. Unless of course the collapse of economic stability in the UK was their true aim, in order to rebuild it in a form conforming?.  to their ideology. Some sort of twisted Ayn Rand thing about helping the rich cos helping the poor will only hold you back.

Its clear the social consequences of their ' growth strategy' are not high on the list of their concerns. Anyway they are dealing with protests by making it harder to protest. They'll make unions illegal if they get too uppity. So what if they riot, we'll ignore them too. They know what they need to do, stick to the plan. Its as if they are fully taking the Tory reputation as ' The Nasty Party, embracing it, and wearing it as a badge of honour and principle. High functioning sociopaths rule!

Crazy Kat said today he had no choice but to do what he did. Well, that is never true. There is always a choice to be made. Just ones you'd find quite ideologically challenging. So don't make it all sound so inevitable CK.  You've just made a difficult Winter, an even more precipitous tricky path to cross for everyone except your backers. Who have probably made a killing speculating during your crisis.

3rd October 2022
Shop wise, after a stonking 1940's Weekend business has been gradually quietening down. The last week of September, following on from that 'fiscal event' took a more pronounced dive. Now it has to be said that the weeks leading up to October Half Term can be pretty pants. But we are only just in October and we've already had a very quiet ending week to September, bar one good day on Tuesday. Even though electric bills are now effectively frozen they're still ridiculously high. People's Mortgages, Pensions and investments were all seriously under threat last week, during that 'little bit of turmoil'. I mean, give us a break Crazy Kat!

That said, we are just about holding our own at the moment. Looking at our electric bills for shop and home, yes, they are going up, but for us, not to an unmanageable degree. We are normally quite careful in our use of electric anyway. Our heating is storage radiators on Economy 7. which we have not yet switched on. Plus our home has quite thick walls, so heat loss is not bad. We've done what we can to reduce draughts. We no longer leave anything on stand by, if we are not actively using it.

We have been within a hairs breath, more or less, of breaking even in the shop over the Summer. Which is a minor miracle, worthy of praising ourselves for. Nothing substantial to put aside to see us over the barren Winter months, though. So we will undoubtedly have to draw on our limited reserves. How much the current crisis hits sales will affect how frequently we may need to dip into it. We are doing a couple of mid-week craft fairs in Holt in December, that we hope will boost things pre the New Year. But who knows. This year has been impossible to predict.

It's looking like we may not be able to afford much of a holiday, if at all, this year. If we can survive as a business until June next year, and that is still a big if, then I can start taking my pension. This will help reduce what we need to draw monthly from the business. That, however, is nine months away and a lot of shit has yet to hit the fan. What further misguided things Lizzy T and Crazy Kat have in mind to launch. Our only hope is for a major Tory rebellion.

7th October 2022
It is now patently clear that a far right economic cult in the Tory party has now got its hands fully on the throat of government. And, as with all cults, it has an inflexible mindset. Blind faith in its tax cutting agenda, is confusing conviction with depth of truth. Believing they are prophets of an economic religion blessed almost by celestial appointment. It has been tried before, it failed. So let's keep trying it again, until it succeeds. It maybe unpopular and cruel, but - No pain for the poor, No gain for the rich.

Such economic cults, cannot resist their own repressive tendencies when they are confronted with opposing views. They cannot tolerate any deviation or dissent, believing in their fundamentalist ideology unwaveringly. Anyone who isn't a disciple of the new growth messianic truth is a heathen growth denier, the spawn of the EU. Standing firm against the onslaught of tradition, or worse neo liberal conformity, because all orthodox view points are the true problem and hence ignored or overcome. 

The cult members think of themselves as noble libertarians, upholding the easier democratic values to support, of free speech, freedom of choice and free trade, because they cost you nothing to say. An exception always being made for free collective bargaining and freedom to protest, freedom to oppose and question, these are to be actively restricted. For cult leaders to be held to account by the hoipolloi is just not to going to happen. All opposition is a drag on growth. Protesters should be arrested, handcuffed and charged with deviation from the true faith. Its hard enough to keep the faith, to keep oneself pure and be ready for the economic rapture of growth. They are, after all, heralding the arrival of a new dawn, sing high their praises and be joyful.

Buy the T Shirt

Oh, and never ever mention Brexit, nothing has gone wrong, there are no problems. It's just the elites, the EU, the Remainders sabotaging stuff. Round every corner there are agents of The Anti Growth Coalition. Be on your guard people, they could mean you!

8th October 2022
On a lighter note! A new series of a favourite programme on I Player - Ambulance. Following ambulance teams during their shifts, this time in Teeside. As ever it is a telling picture of human suffering, compassion and great kindness, mixed with showing the clear result of what years of austerity and continuous under funding of the NHS has led to. Cutting away at basic care services and support for folk with mental health problems. The consequence is the NHS Ambulance service is being forced to fill the gaps, and pick up the pieces. 

When you hear of long waiting times for ambulances its due to an increase in their work load, and insufficient resources. Clogged up with issues that should be being dealt with by other departments. But those other departments are also reduced in capacity. 

Ambulance is a real emotional rollercoaster with each episode. It is so palpably human, frequently hunourous or heartening, but also a distressing watch. Always worth viewing though. We frequently finish holding back the tears by the end.

9th October 2022
I had a huge amount of difficulty sleeping during the heat waves. Now we are into the autumn I had been looking forward to the cold nights when I generally sleep better. However,I have been wakening repeatedly with stiff necks, headaches and tender aching eyes. I changed my pillow. This had some relieving effect, briefly. The neck and eye aching has now resumed. I have come to the conclusion that its largely the result of increased tension, born of clenching my jaw a lot at night. Keeping my neck warm, regular application of heated wheat bags, plus pills and lotions to ease inflammation, all help, but nothing does so consistently. I'm currently experimenting with more regular practice of Metta Bhavana. Desperate times require such measures.

Bar a couple of days that were the pits, the rest of the first week in October was actually reasonably good in the shop. As ever in these times we live constantly with crossed fingers. Using our days off on Sundays to decompress and get away from our familiar environment. We celebrated our tenth wedding anniversary at the end of September. Sometimes just enjoying time together in a place we both love is more than enough to put right our mood. The current situation with our government is completely out of our control, until a General Election is called. In the meantime - Keep Relaxing Boys & Girls 

TAO TIT BITS - A Sense of Awe

 

"When people lack a sense of awe, 
   there will be disaster."

Taken from the Tao Te Ching by Lao Tsu
Translated by Gia-Fu Feng, Publisher Wildwood House. 1974

FRIDAY SERIAL - Duncan's Building Site Visit (Epi 6)

Avril was waiting for Duncan, per their arrangement, outside of Leicester Square Tube Station at 10am. Today she was spectacular in a black collarless baggy blouse, velvet hot pants with bib, worn over leggings, massive Brothel Creepers, topped off with an oversized raven feather in a Tyrolean hat. As yet, he'd not seen her wearing the same clothes twice. How on earth could she afford all this bizzare collection of new clothes? What did she do for a living? Where does she find them, let alone store them? Where does she live? All these unanswered questions flipped idly across his mind, as she walked towards him.

He on the other hand had nothing special to wear, not pre-crumpled. Nothing that he hadn't worn pretty much every time he'd ever met her. Note to self, go to the bloody launderette, lazy toe rag. He suddenly felt very dull, predictable and under dressed. Enamoured by her individualism, he was suddenly aware of how tightly drawn his own dress conventions could be. He never thought of it as conforming to a male uniform, until someone else showed him you could step outside of the rules with your reputation intact. Or was this just an easier thing for a Drag Queen to do? or was it perhaps only Avril?

As they silently crossed Tottenham Court Road, Duncan felt self conscious. Never fluent in small talk, he thought he'd try being complementary.

'I always love the way you dress Avril, its really...... unique.'

This proved to be entirely the wrong thing to say.

'I don't do it to please you, or for any one! Its one of (Runga Bunga La Di Da's) teachings - we must be prepared to be uncompromising in order to discover what our true self is. Unpolluted by the expectations of conventional society, our families and other people. Whether male or female, all integrity and agency is lost if our actions are enslaved to the gaze of desire. I dress, as I do, in order to express myself imaginatively and to bring pleasure to me, through being 100% totally authentic.'

Duncan wasn't sure he bought into any of that. It sounded like a paragraph read straight from a text book. What he saw was Avril's playfulness, there was nothing aloof or free from being enslaved to the male gaze there. She twiddled and played with it constantly. But then, as a gay man, he was familiar with straight women indulging in outrageously flirting with him. Feelung completely safe to do so, without fear of any unwanted consequence. Though even in that perhaps he was as prone to misinterpreting what the purpose of that flirting was for, how consciously it was being done, as any straight man.

'Have you ever truly been yourself Duncan? Not trying to please anyone, not seeking appreciation, not trying to get someone to love you, to stay with you.'

That he didn't really understand what she was asking for, meant the answer was 'No, Never'. Instead he said:-

'Err, I don't know, maybe once or twice, hard to say.'

'Mmm, thought so. That says nothing. No example given, no lived experience to recount. You can't be vague all the time Duncan. Either you have or haven't. There's no shame in this. The first thing I was encouraged to do when I first joined our movement, was just to be honest. Saying it exactly as it is, begins with Yes or No.'

'I  don't know what the fuck you want me to say' He blurted out defensively.

'The thing is, I'm not wanting you to say anything. Look I hardly know you Duncan. But you appear to have spent your life so far in hiding. Running scared of being yourself. Relax. Let yourself go. Enjoy life. Working here.....if you decide to do this, could be the best thing you ever do.'

All he could think of was Grannie Beryl. How he'd so much wanted to please her, but always always failed. Never could get it right. All that chasing her approval only to get slapped in the face again. Grannie Beryl frightened him. Avril frightened him. The world outside generally frightened him. He was afraid, just afraid constantly. So afraid of getting it wrong he'd decided being anonymous, doing nothing of note was the safest strategy. 

Avril stopped walking and pointed across the road

'There we are, that's the new business property. Bit of a building site still. We need to find Gavin, he's the one that's running the workschedule, and going to show us around'

Lots of young guys, his age and younger, in I'll fitting building fatigues, tool belts, safety gear etc. So much sweaty manhood in physical activity, and all so close as to be almost touched. Suddenly his interest and loins were peaked. Till Avril broke into his fantasy revery.

'Duncan!..... Stop leering......This way'

Marching off through a door and down a flight of stairs to cellar level, to damp, plaster dust and indeterminate fusty smells.  It was a much bigger space than he imagined, it went back someway. Pavement level windows high up on one wall. Opposite a newly knocked through back wall, and a truly enormous extension with skylights. Large glass sliding doors opening out onto a small walled wilderness garden at the back. Substantial amounts of money was obviously being invested in this property 

Gavin was there. Probably mid to late thirties, stocky build, bushy beard. A bit of a handsome bear, cuddly looking, Duncan thought. Softly spoken, a slight lilt of originally being from up north.

'Hi Avril. You, I take it, are Duncan. Pleased to meet you. Though it doesn't look like it yet this is going to be our printing workshop. So much of this refit is just about getting more light into spaces. Its central London, densely built, always in the shadow of other buildings. Every floor has the same problems as down here. The lack of natural light. A bit of an essential requirement for a design and print company. '

Avril chipped in.

'The company has been very successful on a smaller scale. Designing ranges for sale and commissioned work. This, actually, represents quite a big step up.'

'Let's go up a level' 

Gavin gestured to the ceiling. The rooms above were likewise opened out, with bigger windows installed at the back. The sash windows at the front had to stay, because its frontage fell within a conservation area. As long as the street front looked the same, the planning department seemed flexible, within reason, about what you did behind it, inside, out the back, or underground.

'This will be the reception, sales, general office and despatch area. The floors above were originally pencilled in for the men's community to live in. But it quickly became apparent that would leave the business with inadequate storage space for paperwork, materials, stock and finished jobs. The design department and accounts is now run remotely from the women's commune in Suffolk.'

Duncan's ears pricked up in curiousity, a men's and women's commune? Did that mean somewhere there was a men's commune too?

As if she sensed his interest, one she didn't want to go into right now, Avril quickly moved Gavin on, by asking how many he envisaged would work here.

' Oh I guess around twenty plus, A lot of where we need to expand is in people to do the sales and admin. That I think is where you might come in handy Duncan. If you are up for it. Once I put down my Project Manager role, I'll be the General Manager here.'

Duncan feigned a non committal sort of shrug. Though inside he felt a rising level of excitement, quietly appreciating the calm unruffled demeanour of Gavin. Thanking him as they left, he asked

'When might this all be ready to go?'

'Structural work, windows etc, is due to complete the end of this week. Everything will speed up once we can start refitting the interiors. If all goes to plan, without any unexpected delays which we will be lucky to avoid. It might be completed four to six weeks.'

Duncan thought to himself:-

'Oh, I think we might manage that, that's very doable'

Avril glared at him with a penetrating intensity, trying to read what his lack of facial expression indicated. Was he going to go for this or not?

'Imagine Duncan, if you were in on this project from the very beginning. Wouldn't that be fun.'

To which he muttered

'Indeed......indeed.'

NEXT EPISODE - Duncan's New Workplace ( Episode 7 /12 )
Will be posted on Friday 14th October 2022

FEATURE - Lee Mingwei

 

This video of Lee Mingwei's work for the Tate Galleries Turbine Hall called Enter The Labrynth, I found on You Tube. It's mesmeric to watch, like a free form version of a Japanese Zen garden constantly evolving and changing in response to the relationship between the performers. 

TAO TIT BITS - Unbending

'A tree that is unbending is easily broken'

 Extract from the Tao Te Ching by Lao Tsu
Translated by Gia-Fu Feng, Published by Wildwood House 1974.