FRIDAY SERIAL - Duncan's Building Site Visit (Epi 6)

Avril was waiting for Duncan, per their arrangement, outside of Leicester Square Tube Station at 10am. Today she was spectacular in a black collarless baggy blouse, velvet hot pants with bib, worn over leggings, massive Brothel Creepers, topped off with an oversized raven feather in a Tyrolean hat. As yet, he'd not seen her wearing the same clothes twice. How on earth could she afford all this bizzare collection of new clothes? What did she do for a living? Where does she find them, let alone store them? Where does she live? All these unanswered questions flipped idly across his mind, as she walked towards him.

He on the other hand had nothing special to wear, not pre-crumpled. Nothing that he hadn't worn pretty much every time he'd ever met her. Note to self, go to the bloody launderette, lazy toe rag. He suddenly felt very dull, predictable and under dressed. Enamoured by her individualism, he was suddenly aware of how tightly drawn his own dress conventions could be. He never thought of it as conforming to a male uniform, until someone else showed him you could step outside of the rules with your reputation intact. Or was this just an easier thing for a Drag Queen to do? or was it perhaps only Avril?

As they silently crossed Tottenham Court Road, Duncan felt self conscious. Never fluent in small talk, he thought he'd try being complementary.

'I always love the way you dress Avril, its really...... unique.'

This proved to be entirely the wrong thing to say.

'I don't do it to please you, or for any one! Its one of (Runga Bunga La Di Da's) teachings - we must be prepared to be uncompromising in order to discover what our true self is. Unpolluted by the expectations of conventional society, our families and other people. Whether male or female, all integrity and agency is lost if our actions are enslaved to the gaze of desire. I dress, as I do, in order to express myself imaginatively and to bring pleasure to me, through being 100% totally authentic.'

Duncan wasn't sure he bought into any of that. It sounded like a paragraph read straight from a text book. What he saw was Avril's playfulness, there was nothing aloof or free from being enslaved to the male gaze there. She twiddled and played with it constantly. But then, as a gay man, he was familiar with straight women indulging in outrageously flirting with him. Feelung completely safe to do so, without fear of any unwanted consequence. Though even in that perhaps he was as prone to misinterpreting what the purpose of that flirting was for, how consciously it was being done, as any straight man.

'Have you ever truly been yourself Duncan? Not trying to please anyone, not seeking appreciation, not trying to get someone to love you, to stay with you.'

That he didn't really understand what she was asking for, meant the answer was 'No, Never'. Instead he said:-

'Err, I don't know, maybe once or twice, hard to say.'

'Mmm, thought so. That says nothing. No example given, no lived experience to recount. You can't be vague all the time Duncan. Either you have or haven't. There's no shame in this. The first thing I was encouraged to do when I first joined our movement, was just to be honest. Saying it exactly as it is, begins with Yes or No.'

'I  don't know what the fuck you want me to say' He blurted out defensively.

'The thing is, I'm not wanting you to say anything. Look I hardly know you Duncan. But you appear to have spent your life so far in hiding. Running scared of being yourself. Relax. Let yourself go. Enjoy life. Working here.....if you decide to do this, could be the best thing you ever do.'

All he could think of was Grannie Beryl. How he'd so much wanted to please her, but always always failed. Never could get it right. All that chasing her approval only to get slapped in the face again. Grannie Beryl frightened him. Avril frightened him. The world outside generally frightened him. He was afraid, just afraid constantly. So afraid of getting it wrong he'd decided being anonymous, doing nothing of note was the safest strategy. 

Avril stopped walking and pointed across the road

'There we are, that's the new business property. Bit of a building site still. We need to find Gavin, he's the one that's running the workschedule, and going to show us around'

Lots of young guys, his age and younger, in I'll fitting building fatigues, tool belts, safety gear etc. So much sweaty manhood in physical activity, and all so close as to be almost touched. Suddenly his interest and loins were peaked. Till Avril broke into his fantasy revery.

'Duncan!..... Stop leering......This way'

Marching off through a door and down a flight of stairs to cellar level, to damp, plaster dust and indeterminate fusty smells.  It was a much bigger space than he imagined, it went back someway. Pavement level windows high up on one wall. Opposite a newly knocked through back wall, and a truly enormous extension with skylights. Large glass sliding doors opening out onto a small walled wilderness garden at the back. Substantial amounts of money was obviously being invested in this property 

Gavin was there. Probably mid to late thirties, stocky build, bushy beard. A bit of a handsome bear, cuddly looking, Duncan thought. Softly spoken, a slight lilt of originally being from up north.

'Hi Avril. You, I take it, are Duncan. Pleased to meet you. Though it doesn't look like it yet this is going to be our printing workshop. So much of this refit is just about getting more light into spaces. Its central London, densely built, always in the shadow of other buildings. Every floor has the same problems as down here. The lack of natural light. A bit of an essential requirement for a design and print company. '

Avril chipped in.

'The company has been very successful on a smaller scale. Designing ranges for sale and commissioned work. This, actually, represents quite a big step up.'

'Let's go up a level' 

Gavin gestured to the ceiling. The rooms above were likewise opened out, with bigger windows installed at the back. The sash windows at the front had to stay, because its frontage fell within a conservation area. As long as the street front looked the same, the planning department seemed flexible, within reason, about what you did behind it, inside, out the back, or underground.

'This will be the reception, sales, general office and despatch area. The floors above were originally pencilled in for the men's community to live in. But it quickly became apparent that would leave the business with inadequate storage space for paperwork, materials, stock and finished jobs. The design department and accounts is now run remotely from the women's commune in Suffolk.'

Duncan's ears pricked up in curiousity, a men's and women's commune? Did that mean somewhere there was a men's commune too?

As if she sensed his interest, one she didn't want to go into right now, Avril quickly moved Gavin on, by asking how many he envisaged would work here.

' Oh I guess around twenty plus, A lot of where we need to expand is in people to do the sales and admin. That I think is where you might come in handy Duncan. If you are up for it. Once I put down my Project Manager role, I'll be the General Manager here.'

Duncan feigned a non committal sort of shrug. Though inside he felt a rising level of excitement, quietly appreciating the calm unruffled demeanour of Gavin. Thanking him as they left, he asked

'When might this all be ready to go?'

'Structural work, windows etc, is due to complete the end of this week. Everything will speed up once we can start refitting the interiors. If all goes to plan, without any unexpected delays which we will be lucky to avoid. It might be completed four to six weeks.'

Duncan thought to himself:-

'Oh, I think we might manage that, that's very doable'

Avril glared at him with a penetrating intensity, trying to read what his lack of facial expression indicated. Was he going to go for this or not?

'Imagine Duncan, if you were in on this project from the very beginning. Wouldn't that be fun.'

To which he muttered

'Indeed......indeed.'

NEXT EPISODE - Duncan's New Workplace ( Episode 7 /12 )
Will be posted on Friday 14th October 2022