ITS A TESTAMENT OF SOMETHING - Matthew, Prophecies Past & Future

Just when I haven't quite settled on what to make of the wacky stuff, the miracles, walking on water, feeding thousands of people with a few loaves of bread, then comes The Transfiguration when Jesus lights up like a large illuminated Christmas decoration and becomes momentarily part of a triumvirate with Moses and Elijah. After which he tells his disciples - 'For God's sake don't tell anyone what you saw.' Yeah, too right, they'd think you've completely lost your bloody marbles.

Parables in this half of the Gospel possess a grittier more pointedly ethical purpose. These are not the dumbed down public parables, but spoken in private and clearly aimed at his disciples, well, any disciple really.

During the journey to Jerusalem, Jesus tells them frankly what's about to happen once they get to Jerusalem - the betrayal, the abuse, crucifixion and resurrection. It all passes without comment from Matthew. The conversation is interrupted by someone pleading for healing. But the statement is not gone back to for an explanation. You are not given any sense of how his disciples responded to it. Did they fully take it on board? Are they in complete stunned denial? Do they plead 'say not so'? Or have they heard this all before, and are indulging him?

The spectre of the crucifixion therefore haunts each moment of what follows. Emotionally I feel indifferent towards the symbolism of the crucifixion, well, the crucifixion full stop. The way Christianity traditionally has framed it, either doesn't adequately explain it to me or it simply fails to hit home. Most probably because I don't want, or feel the need, for what it has to offer.

Why does Jesus, as the son of God, need to suffer and die in this way for our benefit?  The idea of a God that would send his son to sort out Israel, with the specific intention of killing him by the end, as some sort of spiritual imperative to resolve suffering, then bringing him back to life. This feels way out on the barmy to weird scale. It makes no practical or religious sense to me.

The God, The Son, The Messiah, feels over loaded with too much symbolic mystical  psycho drama, blah di blah, you name it, it's all thrown in there. Jesus uses a phrase to describe the crucifixion's purpose - To give his life as 'a ransome for many'. And I can't make head nor tail of that statement either. What is the ransome his life is paying off?

As they near Jerusalem, Jesus tells a series of parables heavy with metaphor, about the need to be ready, not just for what is about to happen, but a prophecy of what will happen sometime in the near future, or when Jesus will come again, when God's kingdom will arrive. Temples falling, a cleansing, a restart, etc, you know the form. 

Such prophecies generally tend to teeter along the tightrope between sounding specific, but vague enough to be applied to numerous situations in the future. I baulk at taking them 100% seriously. With so much validity placed on them as evident proofs of Jesus being who he says he is, it makes settling my faith on them a precarious thing.

And as we proceeded through the familiar dramaturgy of Holy Week, I got the discomforting feeling of stoically enduring the reading of it.  Bearing with, meant I was not enjoying reading the text much, nor finding it illuminating or insightful. Frankly I struggle to fully comprehend the structure of Christian beliefs about the nature of God and Jesus Christ. If you can believe in miracles, transfiguration, prophecies, and that someone can die in order to save us all, then all this will seem so second nature. To me, it appears at the moment, for the cuckoos.

So, yes, I've found this second half of Matthew really heavy going. Unable to connect on a productive or appreciative level with assertions as to what it symbolises concerning its true meaning. My response  has been more emotionally challenging than I'd expected, and obviously its provoking a lot of reactivity within me. I've been surprised at how internally angry and insensed I've been finding myself. 

However, on reflection, I do have a tendency to get like this when emotionally conflicted. Wanting to, but unable to, comprehend the spiritual purpose of something. I don"t like the suspicion that I might be being stupid. So there are a whole bundle of issues arising, not just in relation to Christianity, but personal issues and whatever it is I believe or have faith in. I have to be careful not to take my reactivity at face value. To hold myself to the possibility that there might be something else lurking underneath them, unbeknownst to me.

As I was intending to read the entire New Testament I'm wondering now whether I've bitten off more Christianity than I want to chew here. I think simply to maintain my sanity it maybe better to space my New Testament reading out. I don't have to doggedly see my intention through, if I don't wish to. But to give up, doesn't feel entirely the right thing to do either.