Once you first accept anything in principle, there then follows a whole load of issues which will be the lived consequences of that decision. That was certainly so when I came out as gay. I've found it quite noticeable that the current manner in which the Trans issue is being talked about, is that the consequences are being gone over in a huge amount of detail, before the basic principle of trans peoples rights has really even been discussed, understood and fully accepted by society at large. It appears to have sprung fully formed out of nowhere as far as the general public are concerned. So the response has been alarm and resistance to radical change.
Homosexuality took many decades after decriminalisation to reach a level of understanding and acceptance. I'm not saying it has to be this way, but social changes in attitude do tend to move slowly, and shift with each succeeding generation. So it is the 'inconvenient' consequences of trans legislation that seem to be being used as the reason to refuse to accept the basic principle. This impedes legislative progress, and it maybe that that is its intended purpose. To stir up great alarm and adopt defensive 'you shall not pass' positions. If you were to look back at the debates about decriminalising homosexuality it focused on it undermining family values and the corruption of youth. None of which proved to be concerns that were justified by what followed.
So there is a lot of scaremongering around at the moment. And it is hard to tell to what degree there is truth or veracity in some of the claims. About pedophiles masquerading as trans women in order to get closer access to children. Complaints that female safe spaces from men are being undermined by the presence of trans women. A fear that a trans women still with male genitalia will use access to female toilets to engage in rape. Trans women in female prisons being experienced as a disruptive force. Are any of these are a genuine risk? And if they do happen, to what degree? But if these are genuine problems and not simply reactive concerns, they do not seem insurmountable. Workable solutions could be found, should everyone prove willing to find them. But there is a very vocal presence out there, who are simply not remotely trans sympathetic or pliable. Feet have been put down, and ideological barricades built.
I think its interesting that it is trans women that are being primarily picked on as the 'enemy within'. Trans men hardly appear to register. Do they meld into the general male background more easily, or are not considered significant enough even to mention? Though undoubtedly they have their own difficulties transitioning and living afterwards. We seldom hear about them. Or is it that its considered much more understandable, or perhaps less challenging to the status quo, if you want to become a trans man than a trans women? Is there a hybrid trans focused form of misogyny at root here?
I appreciate many women do have concerns regarding trans issues. Women are rattled by the thought of trans women entering their safe spaces. The men are protective of their space too, no doubt. Not only do you have trans men using your toilets, but if they don't get access to female toilets the trans women will be forced into using the men's. And even I can see that this cranks up the potential for conflict, for violent, if not murderous abuse, trans rape etc Its the women who appear to be being asked to be more open and tolerant, so the men don't have to. The toxicity of some men towards trans people, gays, lesbians or simply any women in general remains an under addressed consequence - well of quite a lot actually.
There are also consequences concerning personal history too, in the area of sports. That a trans woman who was previously a male athlete may have an unfair advantage in the women's game due to their past training and history with a man's physique. This is not an unreasonable or fictitious concern, but how you respond to it is unclear. Sports organisations appear to be burying their heads in the sand in the hope that either trans or the opposition to it, will go away in time. Afraid perhaps of drawing too firm a line and being called trans phobic, or too responsive and being accused of simply rolling over and capitulating. And let's be fair here, this is not an easy area to legislate for. And trans campaigners, sad to say, are not averse to reaching for the megaphone first, and name calling, instead of actively engaging in looking for a resolution.
It is not without an idea or two, but some maybe less palatable than others. And though trans athletes may not like being treated as a special case, because - who does? - maybe that is what has to happen. Trans women athletes, for example, could be given a competitive handicap in order to level the field. You develop trans athlete sports competitions within existing formats. Maybe you drop the separate male, female division in sports altogether. Develop an athlete ranking system so you compete in your own league, ascending or descending in them, like in football Even as I am writing this I'm overwhelmed by how petty and ungenerous this level of detailed discussion can feel. As if trans issues have been reduced to being all about toilet usage and sports prowess. Instead of it being about freedom of choice, for individual people being able to live how they want.
And yet there has to be a legal framework to protect, define and balance everyone's rights when conflicting needs and consequences do emerge. People's views and concerns, whether real or imagined need to be heard. When to make it legal for trans people to self identify is another major consequence. When I hit my early teens this would not have been a good time to identify myself as gay. I was self aware enough to know I had these feelings, but not whether this was just a fleeting adolescent crush I was going through, or an early indication of who I was to be attracted to my whole life. Was this feeling here to stay or not? It was not conclusively clear to me until I started experimenting sexually, much later on, that I wasn't heterosexual or bisexual, I was definitely gay.
Finding out what is personally true for you, there is always a provisional journey of self exploration to be traveled beforehand. Whilst I wanted my parents acceptance of who I was, I wouldn't have wanted their active permission or active participation in the development of my sexual awareness. In ones teens there has simply to be enough room left for such self exploration, without any external adult pressure. A right to roam free of commitment, until you are ready to. I'd been confident I was gay for a number of years before I finally came out and declared it publicly. These things take time. Awareness of being trans I imagine is not that different.
I had a friend who struggled with themselves and who they were throughout all the time I knew them. They had a physical disability, and couldn't decide whether they was AC or DC. What they were sexually was unclear to them, and a bit scary. It all remained a bit theoretical. Over a few years they experimented with saying they were straight, gay, bisexual and eventually settled on being trans. But despite reaching that conclusion, this did not really resolve anything. Their worsening disability meant that personal truth might prove unattainable. As a lot of other things in their life had. Unfortunately they did later take their life. I'm not sure knowing what they were much earlier in life, would have helped avoid that end conclusion. It all felt and was quite tragic.
Personal circumstances, personal history and personal character can sometimes make achieving your personal truth, appear an overwhelming impossibility. As much as I enjoyed living in London, in Crouch End, a very bohemian tolerant area. My affairs 'sexualle' were few. Many were opportunistic encounters, where someone unexpectedly arose to get my end away with. One of the consequences of accepting I was gay, was I had to face up to my self esteem and confidence, of this not being as strong as I would have wished for. This meant I was never in danger of being thought a trollop. Finding someone I could have a stable long term loving relationship with, which was what I really wanted, took a while. But dear reader I married him.
Once you've declared who you really are, you then have to be prepared to act on that. And one major consequence of this is that life can still remain a hard struggle, even when you are sure who you are, and you've decided what you want to make of it. I mean, dam it man, is there no fairness, no justice? Reality itself can feel like its against you, actively thwarting you, though actually it holds no opinion one way or the other. Coming out did not resolve everything for me, it was just the beginning of an entire new chapter of self learning and maturity.
What is sure is that nothing gets served up to you on a plate, that you haven't paid for many many times beforehand.
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