October 21st
Recently Husband bought a multi pack of KitKats - the white chocolate ones. Because he knows I'm rather partial to a tab or two of the blanc stuff. On each individual pack wrapper was printed Flavour Variant. Presumably to make sure you know this is not the classic milk chocolate version, but curiously without designating which one it actually is.
This made me ponder whether this lack of specifics could be applied to anything else. The first thing that comes to mind is gender. Would it be better to avoid all the misleading minutiae and endless sub sections of current identity politics and simply say Human Variant.
October 24th
Here we are with yet another Tory Variant on the same old story. Prime Minister Sunak installed without recourse to the citizens of this countries opinion on the matter. Meanwhile they're trying there best to present this is as a government with an entirely different flavour to the one preceding it. But really its a slight of hand, lacking in the specifics of 'Where the hell are you taking us?' That we should think ourselves lucky, it could have been Boris, horrific as that prospect was, is simply not good enough. We need, but won't get, a General Election. Leaving the Tories with a couple of years to try turn around this mess of there own making. The feeling of powerlessness to effect political change I find deeply depressing. Democracy is being hung out to dry on an autocratic and unaccountable thread.
I'm still in pursuit of a neck that isn't predominantly tense. Exercises do help. At present I'm going through the many Pillow Variants I have, hoping to find "the one'. Currently its a buckwheat pillow that appears to be working. How long it will remain so we shall see. Its very changeable, which might indicate its main conditioning cause is stored bodily tension, not pillow type. I've also been reading on the internet about different types of sleep apnea. Not always a good idea to self diagnose from the internet I know. A few of the symptoms do chime in with my experience. Worth further investigation simply because 1) it's apparently more common than most folk realise, and 2) its impossible to become aware of whilst its actually happening. 3) There is something going on with this jaw clenching at night.
October 26th
So October is Cruella's month, she's back at the Home Office, which is an early sign that this government has not really moved on at all. Her breach of ministerial ethics was very far from minor nor accidental. That woman is, not only corrupt, but bat shit crazy.
Today I watched a Zane Lowe interview with Brian Eno. In it he talked about an architect friend who continued to generate and work on ideas with improvised physical props like matchboxes, a drinking glass or pen. Eno asked him why he didn't work directly on a computer. His reply was that 'computers create a premature sheen'. I love that phrase. Its not that computers are not useful at some point. But if every idea you come up with is given a professional fully worked out appearance, you can easily overlook its failings or miss other unexplored possibilities or accidental discoveries, because you've settled too soon upon its final form and content.
October 27th
Creativity at a bit of a low ebb yesterday and still feeling lethargic in the umph department today. Feeling a bit dried up and in need of a stimulating imaginative shower, but appear unable to find one. When I'm not making stuff for the shop I simply don't know what to do with myself. Given time and space I just draw a blank. As T.S. Elliot expressed it in The Wasteland ' I connect nothing, with nothing'.
30th October
As we come towards the end of this month in the shop, our hearts and minds turn to whether we will cover our expenses. We are close. Tomorrow will either seal the deal or there'll be a very small short fall. It looks likely we may equal last October's takings. Which will be the first month this year to do so. The rest of the year has been roughly 20-25% down on average per month. Before I crow too much, I have to be mindful of the fact, that last years October total was taken in three weeks, We took a week out to have a holiday. This year we had four weeks, 25% more time to take the same amount. This makes it feel more consistent with the rest of the year. I anticipate takings in the remaining months of 2022 will return to their downward trend.
The uncertain retail environment we are currently inhabiting is having consequences on my well-being. I guess it ought to be unsurprising I constantly feel physically tense, mentally fatigued and creatively a bit pooped. I try to take each day, each week and each month as it comes. But this can, if I'm not careful, turn each month into one long period of metaphorically holding my breath.
A practicing Buddhist for thirty odd years, I'm better at not allowing my thoughts to rest or invest too much time in worries or concerns about the future. But this doesn't mean this has no affect on me at all. Unconsciously on a psycho-physical level, I manifest anxiety through accumulating body tension. The mind is not some separate thing ruling the body. We think and emote through our body. Mental control is alienated from and subservient to our emotions.
October 31st
Halloween, and customers were a rarity today. Nonetheless we have covered all our expenses and beaten last October's takings total, due to a customer order arriving. But with only two actual paying customers all day it was an extremely stark contrast to Friday and Saturday last week. Indicative of the times we live in, where every day produces a wildly different Flavour Variant for us to cope with.
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